Need a Plan for My Marriage

[LSG]

I just noticed that W changed our marital status on FB. However she still wears her wedding ring. I am feeling more and more that our the D will happen, and there is no chance to save the M.

Please respond everyone. I wonder what I can do between now and the August 15th hearing.

[LSG]

Why is part of me wanting to beg, plead, and do all the wrong things to save my marriage tonight? I just don't know where these emotions are coming from. What is evoking them lately?

I know I should not do this.

[LSG]

W was off for a week, and I think that communication was minimal with OM, and we were actually communicating some, but now that she is back to work, it seems that everything is back to the way it was before. It is so strange. I see all the signs of the A back again. It was better the longer W was away from the OM and work.

[idontunderstand]

Why is part of me wanting to beg, plead, and do all the wrong things to save my marriage tonight? I just don't know where these emotions are coming from. What is evoking them lately?

I know I should not do this.

I fight with this feeling all the time. It's all the counter intuitive thinking that works, though. You know it. I understand how you feel, but whatever you do, don't follow through with it!

Maybe we feel that way because we are dying to here our W say, "I'm sorry for hurting you, I want to give this M another try and I love you." Wouldn't that be the best thing in the world? I know it would. I also know it ain't gonna happen.

It's okay and normal for you to feel like you do. You can't give in after all you have learned. I'm right there with you. I don't want my M to end. We can't control our wives, though. Continue to do what's right. For you and for your kids. I also understand the money issues. She is trying to bully you and scare you. Don't let her. The kids are as much yours as they are hers. Never believe anything else for even a second.

Hand in there.

[LSG]

IDU,

I know you are right, and I won't follow through with it. I just have these knee jerk reactions.

Every thing else I agree with what you said. I just need to hear from someone sometimes.

Thanks for being her for me all the time. It is a struggle to control my emotions from time to time. I wish I was the way I am now at the beginning of my sitch with everyone here to help me make the right decisions.

I can only deal with the here and now.

[Coach]

Why is part of me wanting to beg, plead, and do all the wrong things to save my marriage tonight?

"A drowning man will grasp at straw." My fav college professor had a quote of the day and that was one of them. LSG you are not drowning - just swim, you can handle it.

Cheers

[CityGirl]

I agree you can only deal with the now.

Your W has really told you though what she needs and expects from a partner, which IMO, is financial stability and the ability to provide for a family.

I know you are searching for a job but it sounds like your W provided for the family for a long time. In LA that is hard!

What does the OM do for a living?

[LSG]

CG,

You are right she has told me that she wants me to work and provide for the family financially too. You are also right that I am looking for work too. There are some more details to the situation in the fact that we made decisions together whether I should pursue a particular position or not with the cost of daycare and her position. I should have just done what I thought was best at the time, but I live in the here and now. I have to do what is best for me now and the kids.

I have always told her that I appreciate what she has done and been very supportive of her role and made sure that she did not have to concern herself with the home and kids after work.

I have always done pretty much everything here for the family.

I know it is not enough, and the job market was so stagnant for the last 2 years. I am now receiving calls, and it is turning around for me, but it is a little too late. I cannot change that.

As for the OM, he works at the same company with her as a project leader, and he has been with the company for awhile now, so he earns a pretty good income.

I have choice whether or not take a 2 month position now that is low pay and make a committment to that or wait a little longer for a marketing analyst position that is long term, but is not guaranteed. It is more than twice the pay, and it will help me to provide for me and the kids, and the position has a possibility to become permanent. I need to make this decision in the next hour or so. This position is also at her company in a different building, so she would not even know I am there for awhile. I want this position and company and did before she took her job do to her bilingual ability. I went for the same position she is in now, but my Japanese language ability is not as good as hers, so she took the job.

It is decision time, and I don't want to make the wrong decision!

[LSG]

Ever since W is back at work, it seems that she is growing more distant. There was a glimmer of her the day before she went back. I even had a little hope for the M. That has faded quickly. I do not feel the hopelessness of the time before last week.

She did ask on Saturday night why I was bringing up things, and I told her I did not know. I do know that I needed to say my peace and set the record straight. I believe that a lot of the ideas about me did have an impact in the argument. She has thought about her whole part in our sitch. It does not change anything, but I do feel that I needed to say what I said and stick up for myself which I did not do enough of.

[LSG]

These past few days I seem to feel nothing for STBXW. I have more contempt for her than love.

She said she hopes I find someone else that will make me happy. Utter nonsense to me!

She says that the A just happened, and it is my fault that I walked out on one of the counseling sessions when she told me that ILYBINILWY. I did continue to go after that. She places all the blame on me for everything. She said never intended to divorce me. Okay, I have to wonder what she did intend.