The countdown continues

[Awoken]

My posts are getting farther and farther apart. My life is getting busy, which is likely a good thing, but it leaves less time for DB.

This past week, I had likely the best vacation ever with my two teenagers. I didn't miss my soon-to-be-ex-wife at all. That was very odd to me, and I caught myself several times wondering about it. It made me a little sad to realize that over the past 17 years, things had not been that great, and that I was really having a better vacation than in a long time.

Yesterday, I dropped the kids off at the airport. They flew to the other side of the country for a week with their mom and her family. I've been doing great, but suddenly it's very hard! It's a very lonely situation, having your kids taken away suddenly like this. I'm trying to look at it like a new found freedom, but it's a struggle. Seriously, I feel a little silly about it. After all, D17 will be leaving for college in another 9 months.

It's hard to believe were I am right now: in the middle of a divorce. A year ago I had no clue this was coming. Even more so, it's hard to believe I've been dealing with this for nine months and we still don't have a divorce agreement.

I've been pretty angry at my wife for the past few months, and only over the past week has some of the deep regret over my failures started to come back. They are real, and I need to deal with them. I miss her just a little bit tonight, which is actually a little comforting. I was worried that I was starting to hate her a little bit. I'm still pretty confused at the amount of hate and anger she has for me. She pretty much refuses to have any communication with except the very rare email when it is absolutely needed. I wonder if she really hates me, or if she just needs to in order to justify her breaking up the family this way. Then I get mad at myself for worrying about it at all! I know I just need to get on with my life.

Anyway, I hope everyone here is doing well.