Just found out she already filed

[ImprovedRomeo]

Thanks wii

BBJ, yeah but so far her roommate's been the one to watch DD the two times we had to meet. So I guess it's my turn now?

Picked DD up, half way home she started acting a bit 'not gonna be daddy's friend' sort of. Not sure why she gets like that with me sometimes...just not cooperative and repeating she wants mommy for no reason. Of course, I stay playful and funny and just hear her out and say 'I know you want mommy sweetie, you'll see her tomorrow or in a couple of days' etc.

She told me they went and picked out two cats from the shelter already. I'm happy for DD she'll have the cats to play with but not happy that stbxw didn't really seriously ask if I was going to keep the cats or not. I probably would've said no to giving them up but still for her to just assume I want the responsibility of two cats when she's been the cat-lady in the relationship. I never had any pets before her.

Anyway, played with DD, had dinner, had her take the bath. Pretty cool she can bathe herself now- for the most part. I just have to do her hair which is really long (down to her lower back) and difficult to brush but I got them all nice straight not a single knot! take that STBXW!

Oh I also rearraged her room this weekend a bit to make it feel more open. Made her a little play area. She liked the surprise, even sat at her desk to do some quick coloring which used to just sit in the corner.

There're a couple of guys from my area on a 4x4 online club that are planning a mountain trail camping trip. I'm tempted to go...I just don't know anyone so it's a bit uncomfortable plus it's been a while since I've bone docked this way. Of course, these guys are equipped with off-road/military style trailers with roof-top tents, tent bathrooms and showers, full vehicle recovery gear, winches etc...so we'll see. I think I'm gonna go before STBXW takes the truck too.

[newmama]

But now I'm worried that since she's all alone she's going to go out looking for company...and she'll have no problems finding someone if she chooses to. Unless of course, she already has someone which is quite likely too. And I thought I don't care anymore...apparently I still do.

Ok I gotta tell you that it is amazing how often I read the men on the DB forum thinking their Ws are dating! And being a woman and having plenty of female friends, most of us women are not spending our time thinking of the next man we can get....I hope some other females on the DB forum can second this.

And as for how you take care of your DD, EXCELLENT job, Romeo! It is so darn touching to read how you validate your DD when she asks for mommy, how you can brush her hair without tangles and you are letting her have cats and rearranged her room...you don't need to read a single dad book!

About meeting up to go camping, I highly recommend you go because every time (except once) that I have met on meetup without knowing someone, I had a lot of fun! So that is my testimonial to others. Hey, you can meet a new friend or 2!

[ClingingToHope]

SR, you and I still fall into the LBS syndrome of imagining how great our WAW's lives are without us.

I'd go on the trip just because it'll 1) create new memories. 2) occupy your time. 3) Expand your friendship group.

That trip wouldn't be for me. I'm not a rough it kind of guy. Instead, I've committed to going to Vegas the first kid-free weekend I have after the D is final.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Ok I gotta tell you that it is amazing how often I read the men on the DB forum thinking their Ws are dating! And being a woman and having plenty of female friends, most of us women are not spending our time thinking of the next man we can get....I hope some other females on the DB forum can second this.

NM, that's comforting but then what are your guys thinking about? I fail to see how our R was so bad that she had to leave all that we had behind and create this mess. Seriously, we had everything a family could ask for and then some. Financially we were doing great if not awesome and now it's completely screwed up...for me anyway, she actually gets a lot of money that she could never make on her own. Yeah bitterness...

And as for how you take care of your DD, EXCELLENT job, Romeo! It is so darn touching to read how you validate your DD when she asks for mommy, how you can brush her hair without tangles and you are letting her have cats and rearranged her room...you don't need to read a single dad book!

Aw, thanks NM. That means a lot, thank you!! I do my best...I know I have a lot to improve. Even when laying down next to DD waiting for her to fall asleep I drift into ruminating and I catch myself doing it. Or in the car if she's quiet and I'm feeling exhausted after work I drift into the ruminating thing again instead of acting perky and happy. But I am trying.

About meeting up to go camping, I highly recommend you go because every time (except once) that I have met on meetup without knowing someone, I had a lot of fun! So that is my testimonial to others. Hey, you can meet a new friend or 2!

Yeah, I think I'm going to go and see how it turns out. BTW, geez, I meant "boon-docking" not "bone-docking" LOL and I see a few other gramatical errors after re-reading- I need to proof-read my stuff more before hitting the submit button. Goodness.

CTH, thanks for the encouragement...yeah I'll force myself to get out and expand my social circle. I need that. As for imagining their lives being great without us it's hard not to imagine that or it makes no sense why they would leave a life where they had (could have had even more) everything imaginable. I just don't get it but I don't want to go down that path again trying to figure out her reasons/issues. I just need to keep on...keeping on...

[whatisis]

Bone-docking, I love it!

[whatisis]

Romeo, don't forget to pound in your tent peg! I just have a feeling we could go on and on...but probably shouldn't.

[ClingingToHope]

SR, I don't post this often because a lot of the people on the boards are women and I don't want to look like I'm rooting for them to fail, but the divorce research shows that a divorced woman's standard of living tends to drop more than a man's and the vast majority of them report feelings of extreme loneliness.

It's the grass is greener thing. Your WAW for whatever reason wasn't totally happy and it couldn't be her fault so it must be yours. So she likely built up this fantasy in her head about how great life would be without SR.

So she acted. And here's where it gets hard. Most people, me especially, really have a problem admitting they are wrong.

So even if she has found the grass isn't greener on the other side, she's unlikely to admit it to you. It'll take something really drastic.

Now, as I type those words I see my own life in it and it still doesn't help the pain that much. Only time has helped.

[whatisis]

Interesting post, CTH. On the emotional level I'd always heard and read that men have the tougher time with divorce because our families and marriages are often our social life. We focus everything on that and don't tend to have as many close friends to confide in or spend time with as women do. So we turn to booze, get depressed etc. That may be why it's men who often end up doing violent acts towards their ex-spouses. It's pretty rare that you hear of a woman doing something violent towards her ex-husband. Anyway, it appears no one wins in these D situations. It's a huge, drastic adjustment that takes time and patience I guess...and lots of stamina.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Interesting posts both CTH and wii.

CTH, I hear you and I'd love to see the stats...but my STBXW has no excuse! She did this before got hurt and came back...I thought for good. So why leave again after seeing the other side already?? It makes no sense to me. Also what exactly is MLC? could she be going through that? Again this is a slippery slope and I really need to back out of it. I don't want to go down this path...she gone, she's done...I just have to accept it and think about my life without her. It's what I HAVE TO do.

Wii, it's funny you mention that men have a tougher time because our families are our social life. We focus everything on them. This is sooooooooooooooooo true for me but I thought I was an anomoly- a hermit, an introvert...

So it's a little validating to hear I'm not a total weirdo

On the way back from lunch I stopped into Big 5 to see how much the next set of dumbells I need is. I'm wearing a black polo shirt with my company's logo on it and dress pants. As I was getting up from looking at a price tag a lady said 'Can I try these on' - she noticed the puzzled look on my face, then the logo on my shirt and said 'oh...sorry, do you work here?' - I smiled and said 'no...but you have my permission to try them all on, let me know how they fit' - she laughed and said 'well thanks I felt kinda silly'. I told her it happens to me all the time- actually it doesn't. Funny...

OK back to work...

[whatisis]

I

Wii, it's funny you mention that men have a tougher time because our families are our social life. We focus everything on them. This is sooooooooooooooooo true for me but I thought I was an anomoly- a hermit, an introvert...

So it's a little validating to hear I'm not a total weirdo

One of the things DBing did for me was get me out of that "my family is my life" cycle. I actually started doing things that would be adventurous for me then such as Taekwondo, dance, going to church, and various other things. After we'd been separated my wife said she couldn't believe how well I'd adjusted, I had activities and friends. I used to put her first, she was the career woman always looking to better herself professionally and I was just the everyday go to work come home kind of guy. I loved looking after my family. Sure I had a few friends I'd had for years but my family had been my main security and interest. Anyway Romeo, you're no weirdo, I'll bet a great number of the guys on this BB are the same. We thought we were doing great, the dream was ours and then wham...right in the balls!
Btw, stop trying to figure out why she did what she did, OK. It's a total waste of time and emotional energy. You'll never know, accept it and let it go...I know you won't but I had to say it! Everyone who knew my wife and I thought she had a fabulous husband, even her friends would tell her how lucky she was to have Whatis...well, big deal...now she doesn'tand who really knows or ever will know why.