I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[newmama]

Just got back from my first custody class. Am trading working out for a couple of magazines (one is a gossip mag), some of my cowboy salsa and maybe I will make some bean dip, and 2 glasses of red wine. That's all--won't be getting crazy or anything.

So the first 15 minutes were excruciating because we all sat in silence in this big room, in rows of 10. There were around 50 parents, mostly in their 30s and maybe 10 kids. Next time I will bring a book or something! I looked around and noticed that there were several attractive single dads... I actually thought, haha, maybe I will meet someone here!

Something kind of funny and disturbing is that this woman sitting 2 rows ahead had half her butt hanging out...her very white, wrinkly, very large derriere...Say No to Crack!

Well then when we got started, they divided us into 2 groups. We had to introduce ourselves and say when we were separated, and describe the custody situation among some other stuff. Some added an extra detail like "My wife filed" or "we live together still and I don't recommend it." A few people were separated for several years, but most were within the last 6 months. There were several with 2 year olds, and one with 15 month old twins who had been separated since the day she found out she was pregnant, but the dad has been involved somewhat. We didn't say if we were married or not because this class is not just for people dissolving a marriage. Oh, one dad had a 12 month old and he was letting the mom have full custody but he had been around quite a bit. ???

Then we read depressing stuff about effects of divorce on kids but then "reassuring" stuff about how they tend to adjust after a couple of years if the co-parenting goes well. Basic stuff like don't bad mouth the other parent, don't pump your kids for information about the other parent, be pleasant and businesslike in front of them when you do the exchange...

When we were asked to raise our hands to indicate where we were with the acceptance of divorce (like still raw, accepting, totally moved on)only 2 of us said it was still raw! Most people were in the middle.

And something I learned was that it is out of style to call your ex-spouse "my ex." Instead, say "S' father." It is due to the connotation that "ex" has. Hmmm.

We also read that when the father is not involved in a child's life, it tends to cause girls to think every man will leave them (when dating) and it causes boys to have difficulty with commitment, moving from romance to romance. (I paraphrased)BUT I ASKED "can a replacement father offset this damage?" And they said yes, a strong male role model like a grandfather or an older cousin, etc. can actually help the kids to be resilient.
They gave a list of all the ways involved fathers help kids be well adjusted and develop into secure adults.

Stbxh is going to feel so good about himself because he will take this class and say "see? S will be fine! I am being a great dad and even though I treated his mom like crap, he will be ok. Phew! No guilt!"

So we get to meet 3 other times. Yippee.

Tomorrow I get to take S hiking along gorgeous trails of waterfalls! So he will be delighted since he loves "the sprayer" in the shower and he loves water, period.