Jack and Gritt: Gees, this laptop is new and I keep hitting buttons that take me all the way out of the forum and then the awesome msg that I was typing is sent into the black hole. Can't tell you how many times that has happened.
Sigh..here I start all over again. Jack and Gritt..thanks for hanging in there with me. I appreciate it. I am trying to do things for me. I mentioned that my son and his family live here. They had a new baby just 2 weeks before H told me about the OW. I have been doing daycare since the day after he told me. Thank God for my little grandson. He has helped to take some of the focus off this mess. But I still have managed to be pretty obsessive about it.
I read alot. I have actually started to throw in a little fantasy fiction in addition to the self help stuff I read. I'm a little tired of thinking about it all the time.
I don't have any friends here, which is one of the reasons I am looking for a job. It's like living on another planet here..so far from everyone I know. And very isolated. With my H gone so much for work these past 3.5 years, I have learned how to be alone..so I guess I'll be prepared if the marriage doesn't work out. I never was much of a loner..I like to talk and do stuff with people. I like to sew and have taken some classes, but since this all started, I haven't thought much about that. i will probably need to take some refresher classes anyway at the college so I can get a job..so i'm checking into that.
I do go for walks, ride my bike, exercise, read, play on the internet, email my friends, go to C, talk to my friends and family on the phone, watch movies, and take care of my dogs (I have 3), give myself manicures and pedicures, clean the house and pack things I don't use so I'm sort of prepared if this doesn't work out. I am busy planning for my next grandbaby-due in Feb 2011. So I have plenty to keep me busy. I know you guys won't approve, but you will understand when I say that none of that really matters as much as having my husband back and our marriage moving in a good direction. Having my marriage in such a mess is very unsettling to me and affects every single part of my life. I know that it's appealing and attractive to my H to see me working on myself, getting in shape, being happy, not doting on him. I am getting better every day. Sometimes it feels like a game, pretending to be something I'm not. But I have truly come a very long way since last fall when he told me.
