Well, I have not told him so directly I guess. I have said things like "I don't know that I can be friends with you as long as she is in your life" but I havent' said directly that I will not be, mainly because he still has yet to sign the property settlement agreement and I'm afraid if I enrage him he'll take the house from me. (I am dropping off the prop. settlement info to the lawyer tomorrow and she has made it clear that that has nothing to do with a divorce, it only has to do with separating us financially for now and it can be changed later if we both wish it).
What I can say is that last time he left I became very clingy and needy and kept trying to negotiate with him on why he should come back, which drove him away, and this time I am determined not to do that, to let him go and let him sit and veg while I get on with my life and my friends and my happiness. It's actually not that bad in that I feel like I am developing really good connections with others that make me very happy. It makes me feel like I don't need him to have happy moments in my life. Sure if I had him AND those friends it would be the "best" life, but that's kind of out of my control. He may never see the light.
Puppy I did say to him in email and directly that I would not participate in covering up his affair and that I was fine with trying to reconcile if he took steps to remove the OW from his life, but that until he does, he cannot have the same rel. with me as before.
I think that in the past, I always caved on the detachment, and I do think that this time I am better equipped NOT to cave. I actually now understand that by caving I only hurt myself, but in not caving I strengthen myself for living without him.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
