"All rise"

[faithisbelieving]

To All:

Divorce has made my son a good baseball player. Throughout the last four years, there were times when S9 would have me outside 3-4 times a day for a catch. Sometimes at 7:30AM before the school bus came. It was an emotional need for him. Well, my son is now the starting 3rd baseman on his travel league and drove in 3 runs tonite. I'm proud of him. XW was at the game. She arrived late, dressed in tight jeans and a baseball type of shirt. I acknowledge her....communicate with regards to which kid goes where...and that is all. I focus on S9 and the game.

I miss my children terribly even tho' XW is giving me (unloading on me?) chunks of time here and there. Over the 4th, they slept over Friday thru Sat AM and spent 3 hours with me on Sunday night. On paper it could have been a six day stretch without seeing them. I'm sure you all know that the additional time now is NOT because the kids are begging for it but for her needs. That is fine by me.

Although I have adjusted to living alone in a 3000 sq ft house, I have NOT adjusted to not having my kids at night.

I miss them.

In fact, I miss them terribly.

I recall one friend here telling me how he would just stay home all the time and read and do chores. I tried to tell him to get out and start anew. Well....I can empathize now. I stayed home most of the 4th weekend. Well....actually...there was a lot of work to catch up with around the house so, I played Mr. Landscaper and Merry Maid (er Man).

D7 seems to be drifting away from me emotionally. She comes home and immediately starts playing with her dolls. I try to involve her but she wants me to 'leave her alone'. Her calls and texts have all but stopped. The 'I miss you's' are less. In fact, I haven't received one in a week or two.

I feel secondary.

I feel outside.

I feel like I 'lost'.

I feel humiliated to ask for an extra hour with our children, or, "can I take them for ice cream."

It's humiliating, to me, to ask for time with our children.

Although I am at a loss for all this, most of my friends here and outside say that "they are adjusting and still love you." "They are older now and growing up."

Perhaps.

I do the best I can to engage D7. I buy crafts to try and do with her. I buy kitchen projects to do with her like baking cookies or making sour candy. In fact, I just ordered a bicycle trailer that looks like half a bike that attaches to underneath my seat so that D7 can ride with me and S9 (she still refuses to learn how to ride a bike).

I kiss her all the time.

I tell her how much I love her.

I'm not sure that there is much else I can do right now outside of just being a dad.

Finally, the website dating stuff, well, bleh. I call them 'meet and greets' and they've all been horrible. FIB