I did consult with an attorney awhile back...but because we split up everything, no children, and my H didn't want to use lawyers- I never pursued it.

I am happy about the refi as well. I was terrified at being a solo homeowner and carrying the burden on my own...but I have been slowly coming to grips with it. I am still adjusting to my new lifestyle...and I am sure it will take several months before I get used to taking care of everything on my own. I have been starting to think about ways of making the house my house..instead of our house.

I just read the MLC vs WAS thread. It is so interesting. I think my H was mainly MLC...but I was able to see some WAS mixed in too.

Additional reasons for MLC/BPD- maybe NPD
1) After the 2nd bomb- H told me that he always believed that I was lucky to have him..and he took me for granted
2) H would tell me many details about OW such as- this was her 2nd affair in his office; it would never work with her because she was a liar; he bought her coconut oil for V-day; she cooked him dinner for V-day; she would wait until everyone in the office left for the day and would sneak back in to be with him; she never loved the father of her 2nd child- she only was with him for stability..meanwhile the father of her 2nd child had 4 children with 3 different mothers. He believed this.
3) He told his mother that she needed to accept everything that he said and did going forward. He never got to make his own decisions (pretty much cr*p)
4) Two weeks before bomb 2- H sent out an email to all of our friends saying that we were starting a yearly tradition of going away. 3 other couples booked trips to Colorado along with us in which everyone needed to cancel 3 weeks later.
5) H said that our M looked good on paper but he always had doubts. (I never pursued him or discussed M with H prior to him proposing)
6) H was looking at two door sports cars
7) H was acting like a victim after our separation saying things like "10 years...and this is what it got me", "I am now living in a studio apartment".."I don't have a couch".
8) H was thinking about leaving his law career
9) H affair started right after he made partner at his firm
10)H agreed to go to MC but only went 2x although MC was going well- we would even grab dinner afterwards
11)H said he was going to stop seeing OW during our separation..he never did..and then said that I told him to continue seeing her
12)H continued to see OW even though two of the partners who knew about the affair told him that he had to stop seeing her or someone would have to leave
13)H thought I was conspiring against him when the house appraisal came in lower than what he expected. Complete paranoia. The 2nd appraisal came in even lower and he wanted to know what I was trying to pull

Do WAS act more rational? I am on the path to D so I guess it no longer helps to distinguish between WAS and MLC..but I am kind of fascinated with all of the crazy behavior that others on this thread have experienced. My list of MLC like behavior can go on and on. His family and myself were really questioning his sanity. He was being urged to go on medication by his sister and mother.

When I went to dinner with my MIL several weeks back- she said that my H seemed a bit more grounded lately- thank god. She called me several days ago and she says that she still has no idea what happened to her son. I don't know if he is continuing to act nuts with his family- I don't ask any questions anymore..I truly don't want to know anything- I feel like it drags me right back into the drama. She also told me that she is still so ashamed and she may never get over the way her son acted.

Do WAS get crazy? do they get crazy with just the LBS? or do they just become crazy in general?

Jack- thank you for sharing that thread..I need to read the others tomorrow.