I for one can't do the friends with benefits. I still want it to mean something. I am just that kind of girl. I have only had the actual act with 2 guys but ran around a few bases with some others. I don't know what to tell you to do to deal with it. I would say though to really look at what you want...some meaningless fun or a relationship.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I really do want a real relationship. I liked being married but it would not be fair to get serious with somebody while I still think about my XW every day. My friend is right.
There will come a day where I will not think or care about her anymore though. Some say a year to three years. Who knows.
Not getting any younger in the mean time. I will take your sig to heart: "If you can dream it, it can happen!"
Wish me luck.
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
I do. It has been 30 months for me if it makes you feel better and not because I think of my ex. I want to feel good as just me and of course to have my kids be okay with it. So many people(seems to be guys mostly) just want to stop hurting so they jump in feet first before checking how deep the water is.
Know yourself, love yourself and some lucky, amazing woman will find you.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I do. It has been 30 months for me if it makes you feel better and not because I think of my ex. I want to feel good as just me and of course to have my kids be okay with it. So many people(seems to be guys mostly) just want to stop hurting so they jump in feet first before checking how deep the water is.
Know yourself, love yourself and some lucky, amazing woman will find you.
kat
I agree entirely Kat, a lot of guys feel an intense imasculation by being ditched, they need the validation of someone, anyone wanting them. Guys are also brought up to take action and fix things, so we jump in and for a bit it feels good but...it usually turns out badly.
I think that the whole meaningless dating thing isnt for me either, but it's also a great way to grow and move on. I think the dating gig only last a few months for me.
I think I knew i had turned the corner when the thought of being involved with my XW gave me a sick feeling. All I really wanted from her was an admission tha she made horrible choices and hurt many people. All I got was that she said she has bad karma.
Formerly SGfan M:38 W:33 M:8 yrs T:10 yrs Bomb: Dec '08 Separated: 4/18/09 Divorce: 8/28/09 XW Affair began: April 08
All I really wanted from her was an admission tha she made horrible choices and hurt many people.
That's all you wanted! Wow, don't think anybody ever gets that but I'll put it on my Christmas Wish list for this year! Mine at least said she often felt guilty for what she'd done to me and I replied "I can understand that"... best I could do!
She has as of yet even said Im sorry. And still doesnt see her affair as real.
Even after telling another man she loves him and always has, wants to be with him etc she still denied it. Even when her own emails were right in front of her face. Unbelievable! She is way out there sleeping in the poppy field of Oz and nothing can wake her up it seems. Even reality.
Last edited by g450; 06/10/1005:24 PM.
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
You realize that she needs snow to wake up if she truly is in OZ. You don't get enough in Texas(not most years anyhow) to wake her up. Make a visit further North and that might do the trick. (I am a Kansas girl through and through. I couldn't resist but sorry if I stepped on any toes ahead of time.)
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Well my anniversary is coming up. We were married 18Jul87. It would have been our 23rd. I have no contact at all. Only see her on the road from time to time driving the little red Miata that I bought her for Christmas.
For the longest time I thought this would not bother me since we have been divorced since Feb. But I haven't passed the one year mark yet for all of this, not even the bomb.
Im going to confess that it really bothers me now. Im starting to think about our wedding, both our families, our plans, our love, my Son growing up, her online affair. It all hit me at once last night and I could not sleep. I shed some tears again and I haven't done that in a long while. I feel very lonely in my house alone. Especially at night.
I usually have a few beers or shots at night to help me sleep but I am taking medication now that will not let me drink so I guess I got used to being a bit numb before bed time. This is part of it.
But I still remember our wedding like it was yesterday. She was so beautiful in her white dress. And I still love her, even more than I did back then. I hate this feeling and I hate myself for feeling this way. I don't know why I can't detach.
I want to call her and hear her voice again but I know that she is still the ugly unfeeling thing that betrayed me and abandoned our marriage. She is not the woman I married. I would not accomplish anything except make myself look weak if I did that. I just wish I could take her tempreture and see if anything has changed with her at all.
Deep down inside I know she is not coming back. And I repeatedly told myself this several times to let it sink in..."she is not coming back!". Too many bridges have been burned and she has no emotions or thoughts of me at all.
So why do I still think about her? I should care less. Guess Im just still attached to my past and the image of her in my mind.
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
Mine at least said she often felt guilty for what she'd done to me and I replied "I can understand that"... best I could do!
(I am a Kansas girl through and through. I couldn't resist but sorry if I stepped on any toes ahead of time.)