You are doing good by not being easily accessable, trust me. But what I found is that emails or text were a good way to communicate when I was getting emotional and didnt want to talk for fear of making mistakes. That way you can be very calculated in your responses/ statements and avoid traps until you are collected enough to speak on the phone or face to face.
It seems to me that now you are very vunerable to traps, so stay the course. DO NOT expose the affair yet. Take time to get all your ducks in a row first. Have a plan. You want to be more prepared than her. The one thing going for you is that you can be calm and straight and she has the fog of chemicals going through her brain. Keep her on her toes, guessing. DO NOT disclose anything until it's time. Be the master....not a cooyon!
There's a lot of good advice here and you seem to be doing well with it, so hang in there. You are definately on the roller coaster and things seem to be escalating. Your story is very much like mine. I had a Cajun wife who is now living with the guy she met up in North LA. In fact, very close to where I gathered your W's OM is. I learned alot about myself and the whole experience changed me, but for the better.
I know it's hard, but there's many people here who share your experiece.
Hang in there!
Last edited by Sgfan; 07/06/1006:38 PM.
Formerly SGfan M:38 W:33 M:8 yrs T:10 yrs Bomb: Dec '08 Separated: 4/18/09 Divorce: 8/28/09 XW Affair began: April 08
Just a bit of thinking. I hate 4PM-5PM lately. When does persuing work? If it does.
My wife has told me several times that I "Do not come after her."I really never did after we fought. She sleep on the couch for nights before caving in and comming to the bed. Lately she has been "testing" this. I don't know if I pass or fail.
She will gripe about something and walk away. At first,I just let it happen.Yes she would get angry and return, but several times, I did persue and stop her to continue talking. I know, clingy, needy, etc. But does she want to be persued and wanted? Is this a test to see if I care enough to see that she wants to be chased for attention? She seems to open up a bit after I stop her and continue the conversation.
Just a thought. I know mind reading, but this is one of those things that looks like it works.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
The test is will you chase her when she treats you bad - CB. Never chase a bad cat. If you need to apologize for your behavior that is different.
If she walks out when you are talking then you need to talk about the behavior.
Griping is good, make sure you get to the real issue. Something is on her mind that she needs to talk about. One of my favorite responses is, "how can I help you with that?
Pursue real issues not bad behavior. Then she will really want you "come after her."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
The test is will you chase her when she treats you bad - CB. Never chase a bad cat. If you need to apologize for your behavior that is different.
If she walks out when you are talking then you need to talk about the behavior.
Griping is good, make sure you get to the real issue. Something is on her mind that she needs to talk about. One of my favorite responses is, "how can I help you with that?
Pursue real issues not bad behavior. Then she will really want you "come after her."
She is still communicating with OM. I think she has some guilt. She constantly wants to know where I am at and constantly brings up that I better not be seeing OW.
anyhows...
I arrived 15min later than usual after work, planned on my part. (is it bad to get a kick out some things like this? )I then went on a quick walk. She started with the texting and calls. I didnt answer. By the time I came back home, She came outside wanted to know why I never answered her text or calls. I told her I was walking and didnt want to be bothered. She griped and did the pull a way. I let her go.
A few minutes later she come running back to me demanding we talk. I said then whats up? She was tired of playing these games. I said I am not playing any games. BS, she stated, you are and I am done. I said we can talk but I am not playing a game. I am sorry if that is what you think. She got hotheaded and stormed off again.
She left and just got back a few ago. She came in the apt and still wanted to talk. Again with the games speel. I diverted and asked how her day went at work. She wen on about it and then brought up that she found a good horse trainer we can use. I told her that was good. As for the horse trainer, I dont think either one of us can afford that now. I looked at the time and told her I must bath and go to bed.
I do plan to jut out for a bit tonight. Driving around a bit soothes my nerves. W hates it, she says I sneak out.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
thanks tomorrow, I start my A busting game plan. I called PI today, but one, I cant afford it..now ,two in LA you pretty much have to catch the A when OM and S meet. The text logs and what not I acquired mat work in court. I still will use this in the A bust, but I still need a plan B in case we go thru with D. I am still hurt about W talking to D about going to have a A and then D cheering W on.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
Just found W on Matchmaker.com. I knew she had to be somewhere. God this hurts.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
)I then went on a quick walk. She started with the texting and calls. I didnt answer. By the time I came back home, She came outside wanted to know why I never answered her text or calls. I told her I was walking and didnt want to be bothered. She griped and did the pull a way. I let her go.