Mila........Your loving grace will forever haunt him. He will regret his choices for a very long time...very long...BUT
It is no longer about him and you know it. It is no longer about his CONTROL over YOUR LIFE. It is all about YOU....
WOW! Eric, you certainly have a way with words!.......and Mila, this praise is well-deserved!
I'm not a guy and don't really think like a guy so it's great to have a man's perspective on this issue....but when I read what you wrote about the condoms, the first thing I thought was "maybe OW has an STD --- something like warts or herpes" that H found out about recently???
Regarding your interactions with H Mila, I really want to encourage you to keep DB'ing with H.....and by that I mean continue to take the high road and respond to H with kindness. I'm not saying to be a doormat, but state your boundaries with kindness and respect. Treat him like a man, not like a child with whom you are irritated regardless of what he does. Vent elsewhere and treat him with respect, the same way you would treat an acquaintance or client. As my XH is beginning to peek out of the fog I am beginning to see the wisdom of this advice. This is how you keep the road home smooth and paved.
Earlier I wrote you that XH and I went kayaking on saturday. The next day I wrote him a short thank you e-mail and got a nice, longish chatty e-mail back today. WOW! In it he admitted that he was a bit tense while kayaking (because he had an important meeting afterward) and said he would like to go kayaking again in the near future (WOW!!!!). He even apologized for telling me he wasn't comfortable with me using the powder room at his house after we loaded up the kayaks and were getting ready to drive to the creek (said he thought I would feel uncomfortable seeing "our" furniture in his house). WOW AGAIN!!! This comment indicates some sensitivity for MY feelings. This is new territory for us and is much more like the H that I knew.
I DB'ed my a$$ off for 15 months, until the D was final. Aside from getting him to interact with me in a friendly manner H/XH always declined my invitations to do fun things together. His walls were so high and DB'ing seemed to have little effect on him. Now, all of a sudden, since XH has begun to peek out of his tunnel, DB'ing seems to be having an effect on him. I wanted you to know this. If you feel that DB'ing is not having any effect on your H it may be because he is at a point in his MLC crisis that he is not able to respond......but that doesn't mean that he won't ever respond.
