The saga continues

[OfficerInNeed]

Hey all.

Unfortunately Your advice did not reach me in time.

I spent the night of the 4th over my parents as I mentioned. The following morning I got that text as I quoted.

Shortly after W txt me that I could come over and get some things. I went over and got some things. I don;t know how it happened but we got into a divorce argument where she would give all the reasons why she wants a divorce and I would tell her I agree. It got pretty heated on her part and ugly at one point. No validating was going to end the argument so I just left.

W then asked me to comeback over that she had to ask me a question I went over and she asked me a question non R-related. W then initiated R talk basically telling me everything I have done up to this point was waste of time that I would never change and there were things I could have said or done to make things good again but she would not say what they were.

I ended it by agreeing divorce was the answer and that it was for the best.

I then spent last night at parents again. W txt me asking to come over something that had to do with the dog. W got into it again briefly about divorce, I gathered more things. W then asked me if I could babysit the dog while she goes grocery shopping. I did not do it.

W left and shortly after I left and went to hang out with a friend.

A few hours later, W txt me "when you get home there is a letter on the table for you"

I get home and here is what the letter read.

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It is hard for me to say this, or even write this in the past you had made me feel so ugly, so worthless, a waste of space and even a burden. I felt like everything I did was wrong and I could never do anything right. And that's all I ever see when I looked in the mirror. All I wanted is to be happy to be proud of myself and see myself for what I am when I do look in the mirror but things still haven't changed. I'm not happy. I said divorce thinking that it would make things better. I dont honestly know if it would. Is running away and giving up everything I have, the answer? Will it give me what I want? Will it give me happiness if I have nothing. I wish life was easy. I wish the answers were clear. If I tried and stayed in this relationship it would be a long time before I could trust you again. And I dont know if I could ever believe that I mean the world to you. I really don't know what to do or what the answer is, that is why I haven't filed for anything or done anything yet. All I have been doing is crying and my headaches have gotten worse. It's hard for me to talk because I have been vulnerable for so long, I want to feel strong, but all I feel is lost and alone...I just dont know what to do!
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W walked downstairs seen that I read the letter and said "I don't want to talk right now but you can"

I gave a little speech ending it with, maybe divorce is for the best and left. W offered me food and told me a few things.

I left and then came back forgetting my phone. W asked for a favor and thought I was giving attitude. W started to cry and we exchanged a hug. W then took meds. Shortly after I left and went back next door....


Now what?