Things keep getting more and more interesting. Spoke to WAW FTF several times today. We had to take DD to a Doctors Appt, and made use of a "smoke break" twice. Then again when I had to drop the kids so I could go to class, then a final time when she brought them home.

Without getting into a epic length thread of detail, we had a good convo this AM , and two more decent ones after that. She's either an Academy Award winning actress or she's being sincere and there in is the rub, its REALLY hard for me to tell.

I told her I knew everything that was and had been going on with the EX, even though she tried to explain away the obvious hickey as from a Hackey Sack, I didnt challenge her on the BS explanation. I told her I found the "rough draft" of the letter she had written to him mentioned in the earlier post. She didnt outright deny it, but said she didnt remember writing it, which, given her bizzarely eratic state of mind could easily be true.

I also told her I found the diary she wrote to me in the hospital about how she was feeling back in October and simply said I couldnt understand why she never gave it to me. She seemed really sad about that and just shrugged her shoulders and a couple tears spilled out, she really seemed genuinely sad about that. I also told her that I knew that she was honest about her feelings when writing, and that it was clear she didnt want this to happen, but it did and now we have to deal with it.

Later she told me she feels trapped, caught between two equally bad choices for her. Claims the EX is having her watched ( I asked her if she always needed to have an "escort" with her to come around me, she said yes she was being watched. Admitted that the EX's Mother is holding their two twins and the extensive visitation she has been getting lately over her head.

Says the EX constantly grills her about where she's been, who with, etc. Something like the conditions he established for her to be there or to get his help. She said she does want my help financially, doesnt even have money to feed the kids, buy diapers, etc, and wont get her first unemployment check for another two weeks. Said she really cant do much of anything under the current conditions( no vehicle of her own and no money) and has to "bend to the will of everyone else" for now. And I KNOW that grates on her nerves, because she was always VERY strong willed.

Acknowledged DYFS has ordered her to undergo a psych eval and home inspection and didnt get mad at me for it. She still says she "lost everything " when we seperated, even though I've told her more then once its all right where she left it.
She admitted she's depressed, but has to wait for a snafu in her insurance to get straightened out before she can get meds for it.
She really does look beaten down,despondent, hopeless, etc. I think she's being straight when she says she feels trapped and doesnt know what to do or is afraid of either my or the EX's reaction.

I told her it made me sad that she felt she had no choice but to put up with such treatment. Something I NEVER would have expected her to tolerate. This guy is NO prize, I dont think any physical abuse has happened yet, but the control is certainly there. The old WAW would have told me to go pound sand if I ever tried to control her like what she says she is enduring now.

Our last talk she even stated, " I had issues's with him before, and now look where I am " I responded with " yes, and its happening again" WAW said, but not like it was before"

I dunno, it just strikes me that she is really afraid of something, either him, my reaction to the vindictive things she's done to me over the last two months, not being able to see her twins , something is holding her in place.

Obviously I want to put my family back together, but this is beyond that now, simply as someone that cares about her very much, I actually am worried for her well being and maybe even her safety. She strikes me as having the " deer in the headlights " syndrome going on. To afraid to take ANY action, but knowing she's about to get run over in the process.

She certainly isnt acting like someone thats giddy and happy about her sitch and her options , or like she's found the relief she was searching for by walking away from us.