Pretty sure its a MLC, now what?

[MHL]

Lisa,

I hope your answer is “yes”.

The mere fact that you are here tells me that you want to save your M. My question while harsh and sobering still needs to be answered, “Will you do what it takes to save your M?”

This stuff is hard, but I believe we all possess what it takes to do this, to walk this journey, to take these steps. The human spirit is an incredible thing all you have to do is pop over to eric’s thread and read about his childhood.

We all possess it. It is called survival, and the wonderful thing is that along the way you grow as a person and become someone who is stronger, independent and able to embrace their emotions and experience them rather than have them rule your life. Along the way you will find your God given inner strength that will free you from the fear you are now living in.

I have confidence in you. You can do this, it is the hardest thing you will ever do but the best things in life are usually the hardest to obtain.

And I'm definitely beginning to think further of what life will be like once I'm back in my own home. Will H want to try with me? What will it be like between H and DD?

First things first….

Stop worrying about the future, easy to say hard to do, I know.

What your H is thinking or doing is not your concern right now?

You can’t control what the relationship will be like between your H and your D. So stop worrying about it>

What can Lisa control?
Lisa can control how she interacts with her D.
Lisa can be the best mother to her D during this very, very, very difficult time.
Lisa can control her emotions and not let her emotions control her.

Also wondering, do I apologize for leaving last week and tell him I regret it? How do I let him know that I'd love to still work on things? Does it matter?

Last week is ancient history, do not bring it back up. If he does just say, “I regret I let my emotions get the best of me, I needed to clear my head, and I am ready to work on our M when you are.”

Done, you don’t need to say anything else. If he says he does not want to work on the marriage or that he is done, DO NOT FRET!!! (Believe nothing he says) you just respond, “I am sorry you feel that way, it is not what I want but D and I will be okay.” Again done, nothing else. If he wants to talk, let him. All you are doing is listening. Your only thought should be listen to what he says and how he is feeling. Do not argue with him. Do not defend yourself. Validate his feelings by saying, “I understand how you are feeling that way”.

Listen you are on the rollercoaster right now, I know.....I have been there. I wish I had found DR and this board sooner. I let my emotions rule me and in a emotional fit kicked my W out of the house and regreted within minutes of doing it so this is all coming from someone who understands exactly where you are at.

I pray that God will give you strength to start your journey.