As a friend who helped me survive this year said: anyone going thru a D who doesn't get arrested, fired, or forced into a 12 Step program is doing great!
I think this is very true. So far so good.
Had a lovely chat with a friend last week who said her demented gran is always smiling, and she finally found out why. She's remembering all the things she did when she was younger. So I should chase my dreams, and not sit in a chair aged 80 frowning because I never took opportunities that seemed difficult or at the wrong time. I want to be a cantankerous old biddy with a big grin on my face one day.
In the last couple of days I have made some major decisions. Career is not so important to me. I want personal satisfaction and fulfillment to be my priority. So I'm going to apply for a job in Antarctica which I've always wanted, try and go some other places I've wanted to, and generally get away from it all. It's been recieved in a mixed manner - some are telling me to go for it, these chances don't come along often, and some are telling me not to be making important decisions whilst I'm still emotionally labile. But I truly feel I've been handed some opportunities by this unholy mess that I need to take advantage off. I'm not where I should've been with a pregnant wife in our nice house in the country. I'm single, footloose and fancy free, and able to disappear for 18 months if I wish. I haven't told my bosses yet, and won't until I actually get the job, and am expecting a large backlash from them about throwing my career away. But I'm sure there'll still be a shortage of Emergency Med Docs when I return and I'll be able to support myself with locum work if no substantive training posts are available. Some say I'm running away. I say I I'm running towards my dreams.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
