As long as you're both willing, I would push to get a formal agreement in place BEFORE hard feelings (for whatever reasons) may surface and complicate things.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Thanks Seeking and Hmama! I do thank God for this miracle.
Today, my baby girl graduated high school. I cannot believe how fast time went. She will be away most of the summer, and I am planning a trip back to the home country for half the summer. S23 will continue on with college --- welding. H will be starting a new project soon in north Ontario and then in China.
We will have time in July to talk about things ... he says I can have everything, but I know he's just saying that and I sure don't want everything (I still said to him that "you say that now, but down the road you'll probably change your tune"). I want a proper SA in place with alimony coming into my bank account regularly, so I can organize my own finances long before we actually separate physically. This, while he is being generous.
I think I will try and get a half-day job just to help with school. D17 will be starting uni in the fall, and I would prefer H spend the money on her than on my classes.
This is still so new and so strange. He still wanted to kiss/hug me hullo and good-bye or goodnight, etc., but I don't initiate, so he has stopped. Sure got the hint. I have stopped saying ILY (no point because I don't) --- he got that hint too so has stopped saying ILY after phone calls. He has remained in the bed ... will probably leave if I tell him, but it is the more comfy bed, so I haven't had the heart to kick him out just yet.
He is planning a trip to his brother in Florida with D17 at the end of the year. So, I will be alone around Christmas time unless S23 is home. I don't mind really. I could try and go visit D30 in Germany.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Funny thing while going through Facebooks of various people on H's facebook ---- came across OW's Facebook. And, I felt nothing. Well, maybe a little bit curious, but otherwise, nothing. No sinking of the stomach (happened when I just thought about her), no heart palpitations, nothing. Now that is progress indeed.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
You are wise BeingMe to get the SA into place while H is being generous. Upon walking out my H also said I could have everything. He had no interest in any of it. It's been 9 months now and his tune has changed. Guess he's having a bit of reality check and thinking about all he's really giving up. Apparently guilt only lasts so long.
Just noticed H's wedding ring is off. Don't know for how long. Oh well, I know for sure now that he's not going to fight for the marriage. Quite a relief, because he kept denying his disinterest, and that he doesn't love me, so I thought I might have a problem on my hands. By his actions and mood, though, I think I am doing the right thing for him too. He seems lighter, happier, as if a load has been lifted. I'm glad. He doesn't have to prove anything to me anymore; he's free as I am. Sadly, I didn't want him to prove anything; I just wanted him to be honest, and I guess he couldn't be that and married. I knew there was something off. I am glad that I am free of my love for him, at last. It has caused me more pain than joy.
We are busy fixing the house, so it can be put up for sale, although it's rather a buyer's market. So, we'll have to tread carefully. We're going to need every cent if we go through S and D.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I've been keeping up with what is going on... although I haven't had an idea of what to say in support for you. You are taking things so calmly, you are amazing.
I hope you have a very happy 4th!
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
BM, I'm sorry that things have turned out the way that they have for you and your family. He's still suffering in the "me" mode and cannot be honest w/you about anything. He may not be honest w/you for a while. He's the happy camper just thinking about selling the home, etc., and this has been a painful journey for you.
If being friendly w/him will help you finalize everything in a "smooth manner", that's okay. Being best buds isn't in the cards right now and may not be ever. You just don't know what the future holds. Friendly doesn't mean he's your best bud. You can be friendly to a stranger looking for directions on the street or chatting w/your bank teller. You may want to look at your h as someone lost on the street or a newspaper delivery man, if that will help you distance yourself a bit more from him. True friends do not treat friends the way that they did...
I hope you are doing okay.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
