Just wondering if anyone might be able to shed some light on the withdrawal that happens when the spouse breaks it off with the affair person? Changes in behavior that are normal, how to handle it, how long, anything I can do..stuff like that. Any ideas or resource suggestions are welcome.
But to answer your question...its like putting the applecart in front of the horse. Unless you like the scenery where you're at, it don't make much sense cause you ain't going anywhere.
Meaning...the question is a bit premature.
Last edited by Jack_Three_Beans; 07/06/1009:26 PM.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Jack..since I'm new to posting on forums, please enlighten me. If I have a question, do I just post it in one section or in all of the sections where it might apply? Or do I start my story and then post the question there..not sure how it all works.
And as for your answer..not sure what you meant by it being premature. If he is going thru OP withdrawal, why would it be premature to ask about it?
I don't mean to be dense..and appreciate your patience. Sometimes my brain feels like mush.
When you are posting in the MLC Forum, please stick to one thread. All of your questions can go into that particular thread. For example, you currently have two threads on this forum and I noticed that people are posting to the other one. It's easier for everyone if you stick to the original thread that has your life's story on it. It helps us when we need to go back and refer to it for reference.
I can't answer for Jack, but your h hasn't gone through OP withdrawal, at least that's what I'm reading from your postings on your other thread....if he's still in contact w/her, that's not withdrawal. That's still getting a fix just by her responding to him. Until he has completely cut all contact, withdrawal symptoms will not appear. They will be pretty much like depression, some anger, etc. He can very well be moody and acting like a little brat. The other person is a "high" for them and when they come down off that high, they can very well act out like someone withdrawing from booze/drugs (without the shakes). Generally, it's not a pretty sight.
You need to understand first what MLC is all about, how the stages play out and that depression drives his crisis. Focusing on withdrawal is just a bit too soon. Your h has a ways to go and that's why it's important that you keep the focus on you and allow God to work on him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly..i think I understand what you are saying about OP withdrawal. I mentioned that he broke it off Easter weekend. Then moved back home a week later. He was horrible for several weeks. Wouldn't talk, wouldn't look at me, despondent, and I guess that was probably withdrawal. Then she texted him the end of April and they have been in contact ever since..he says not as much as I think. But he won't let me see his phone or computer (both owned by his work) because he doesn't want me to be looking at it if she happens to text or call. Supposedly she is dating..so he must be waiting for it not to work out or what..not sure what's going on. I know it just hurts that he feels like he needs to communicate with her. I asked him how long this is going to go on and why does she keep texting and calling if they decided it was a mistake and needed to be over. He said she is alone in this other town and he was just checking to make sure she was ok. I suppose at some point I'm going to have to do something..not sure what. Like I mentioned, I don't work and if we divorce I will not stay here in this town. Do these long distance things eventually peter out if there is no physical thing?
Hey ltaylor, I found this in another thread and thought it might help you.
"I began working with a pro-marriage counselor soon after D-day. He's called everything that WW will do and say EXACTLY since this started. And told he me back in Jan (when I was asking why we weren't making any progress when OM dumped her in early Dec)that we would never begin to make any progress unitl WW thinks the affair is over in HER mind. He then said it would be 3-4 weeks of severe withdrawal, (if she's like most people) but that severe WD could last as much as 2 months, and after that time I would begin to see progress. After that it would be another 3-5 months of her completing the de-fogging process."
Me48 WAW46 M24 yrs S24 D21 D19 EA disc 6/09 2nd EA Fall 09 I move out 11/12/09 W and I switch 1/14/10 D Filed 3/17/10 W moves in with OM 6/8/10 D Final 6/21/10
Ken is the post you are referring to at the end of your last reply to me? I clicked on it and it seems to be the beginning of your story. Is that what you want me to read? I sure wish I had a C that could predict what would happen like yours. As for the A being over in his mind..he's the only one that will ever know. I'm not sure I will be able to hang in there for years waiting for this to be over like some of the people I have read about here. I guess if I see the withdrawl I'll know too..but right now he's happy and smiling like all is right with the world. I'm sure it's because she is still in contact with him and he's probably waiting for her to beg him to quit his job and move down there with her. I think she's already done that and he almost went too..but he felt too guilty about abandoning me. I have to be honest..I'm not sure what he's waiting for..but he seems to be waiting for something. Probably for me to get a job so he can feel better about leaving. He's already told me that since I've lost so much weight and look like a different person, that he feels like he can leave me and I'll be ok. What kind of twisted thinking is that?
Ken can you join me on my thread in the MLC forum? Or at least check into it once in a while? I'm going to delete this one from my "watched topics". I value what you have to say.
