Puppy..I hesitate to even answer your post because I have really done all the wrong things so far, and I'm not sure I can handle being reminded of that just yet. You are right about the hit on my self-esteem regarding the conversations about his relationship with OW. Our C tells us that because we are best friends as well as husband and wife, our boundaries have become quite fuzzy. I don't know if I mentioned that I have 3 close friends in addition to my C who I have talked to about this..he has told his mom..that's it. He has no friends and thinks he can work thru this on his own. It's pretty screwed up. My C told me not to even talk about her. But you know..it's like a train wreck..you just have to stop and look. the other day we were driving and he was listening to his voice mails..you know how loud cell phones can be. Well, I heard a msg from her, and freaked out. He said it was an old msg and that he hadn't had a chance to delete it. He let me listen to it and it was old..it sparked a conversation about what was happening with them. and that's when he told me that he still talks/texts her occasionally, but that she is dating other people and has moved on. He said that he is trying to get her out of his system and still has feelings for her and that the longer he's away from her the more he detaches. He said he hasbn't seen her since he moved back.
I'm embarrassed to admit that I have been one of those begging, pleading, clingy wives who would do anything just to have their wayward spouse around. Always thinking that if I talked or changed this or that he would come around. It's sad and I'm not proud of it. Just recently, because of the anti anxiety meds, I have calmed down and started to understand what everyone is telling me about GAL. Guess I'm a little slow on the draw. There were no rules about him coming back. I told him I didn't think we could work on us if he weren't living in the house and that I wouldn't tolerate his having sex with her while being married to me.
Honestly, this whole thing is so surreal that I don't know which way to turn. I have been working on me..reading books, going to C, computer stuff, applying for jobs, diet/exercise, visiting my kids and friends who live hours away. It helps, and I know I'll be ok no matter what..but...and there is always the but, isn't there?..but..I want more than anything to work thru this thing and grow old with him.
