Wow, I just finished the actual confrontation and it did not go as I had thought. I spoke with the OW husband first and let him know. He was upset, as I am I that they were actually having a sexual affair (we knew it was emotional for some time), but agreed to talk to his wife tonight too.
Well my husband came home and I told him we needed to talk. Almost immediately his phone rang and it was her. She probably told him that her husband told her he knew about the affair. Anyway, I told him to give me five minutes to say what I wanted to say and to not interrupt me. I told him I knew about the affair, it needed to stop and if not he needed to be out of the house. I told him when he was out of the house there would be no contact between us except e-mails about visitation for the kids etc. I told him I loved him and I wanted this affair to stop so we could work on us.
He asked how I knew it was sexual and I told him I had seen some of their IMing and saw him say he loves to be inside her and her respond that she loves to have him inside her. He was really quiet. He did try to say that we had problems outside of her and I told him that all of our problems were and are fixable, if he is not involved in an emotional or physical affair with her. He then said he had many things to say but didn't know which ones to say. I asked if any of them were "I am ending the affair and will stop destroying our family and am willing to recommit to working on us"? and he said he wasn't sure.
I totally expected denial, denial, denial and for him to say I love her and we are soul mates and I won't give her up for you. He did ask that if he decided to stay, if I would hold this over him forever. I said no, that once we worked through this affair it would be forgiven, but it was unrealistic for it to be forgotten. He also asked if I hated him, I said no, I loved him but I hated this behavior and the choices he has made. He then said "I should have waited." and I said "what to start having sex with her when you were still married?" and he said yes. Finally I asked if he wanted to say anything else, because once I went to bed I did not want to speak with him again until he had broken off the affair. He said no. I then told him that if he wanted to talk to the OW he needed to leave the house and he agreed.
So. How did I do?
waterbur
Now that...THAT is how a WOMAN deals with her man! I am so happy for you - that you summoned the clarity, the vision, the strength and intellect to approach this like a grown woman should.
