I'm gonna chime in on this one. Have your lawyer write up a letter covering all these issues.
The belongings, the porn pictures, the boundary of communication, the visitation schedule.... time to step back and let a lawyer write it out for him and when he blows his stack against you .... hang up. If he continues bullying you, have the lawyer inform him of what a no contact order does. It won't get to that point but he needs to be smacked upside the head. I am tired of him treating you like sh*t. Condescending ahole! I swear .. he & donkey... same cloth.
I know you probably wont' go that route but on the belonging issue... please don't give him the reason you want his stuff out... just tell him to do it. 2 weeks is ample time.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
I knew exactly what he meant when he sent you the 2 words: bug spray. And what he meant when he questioned whether Nathan had practiced ball, and what he means when he says Sydney had not had a nap. And isnt it funny how he always says something about how what you dont do makes HIM miserable? It is not about the kids, or you being a bad parent, it is about him having to deal with anything that isnt "easy" that he thinks is because of you. Selfish arrogant bastard.
Bbj, this is no time to take the high road. No need to stoop to his level either. Just play some hard ball, mean it and put him in his place. You are a great mom and he is the last person to criticise you. No need to apologise, explain etc etc ever again. I do believe that you need to be tough now. K
I knew exactly what he meant when he sent you the 2 words: bug spray. And what he meant when he questioned whether Nathan had practiced ball, and what he means when he says Sydney had not had a nap. And isnt it funny how he always says something about how what you dont do makes HIM miserable? It is not about the kids, or you being a bad parent, it is about him having to deal with anything that isnt "easy" that he thinks is because of you. Selfish arrogant bastard.
Bbj, this is no time to take the high road. No need to stoop to his level either. Just play some hard ball, mean it and put him in his place. You are a great mom and he is the last person to criticise you. No need to apologise, explain etc etc ever again. I do believe that you need to be tough now. K
K that is exactly it! I have had it with being Miss Nice and trying to be loving through this. I am so fed up with his bullsh!t. My counselor pegged it, he cannot look at himself, face his own shortcomings so he shifts blame for anything/everything on me.
I used to answer his texts and try to defend or justify myself. I don't do that anymore because that gives him some kind of satisfaction that he 'got' me.
The past week or two I have stopped responding to his texts trying to push my buttons. I just ignore them. However it is sometimes hard to just let it go when he does this stuff. Like this morning not telling me he was having his dad come and hang out with the kids until they got up and around. Had I known I would have taken the time to exercise, maybe run an errand, etc. However I was kind of in "wait" mode from 7-9 not knowing what was going on. And then after that I didn't want to go anywhere because I was not sure just when FIL may come and bring them back to me...
Also MIL already called last night and mentioned something about taking the kids to a children's museum tomorrow bc SIL is going to be in town. Well Wednesday night is Dan's but Wednesday 'day' is mine. I would let them go normally, I want them to have time to go and see their cousins. However Dan has them Weds night through Sunday so there are plenty of opportunities. And I already let him have them during 'my' weekend this past weekend to celebrate the 4th from late Saturday night until 3:00 on Sunday...
It is more that MIL just assumes she is going to have them. Nathan told me this morning that they went to the farm (FIL/MIL) last night and grandma said they were all going to the museum tomorrow. I doubt Dan will even approach me he will let MIL call in the morning and ask when she can pick them up...which goes against what he said at Easter when he claims he told her never to schedule things through me again, to always go through him...
I want to be tough I just need to find a fine line because I really feel disgusted to the point of not acknowledging his existence, which won't work, or ripping him a new @sshole, calling in the big dogs (tipping off his work about his cell phone and laptop), which that anger won't help me either...
If not for the kids I am so there. Move to Texas Hill Country and find me a country guy... I've been checking out real estate there for once the kids have flown the nest. Long time from now, yes, but a girl has to have some dreams!
Did you have other plans for the kids on Wednesday?
Taking pictures of his little Dan is just too weird. Our local Trailblazer big man (Greg Oden) did that and send via his cell phone to his girlfriend. Problem with that was once she was no longer his girlfriend, she made the pics public.
Did you have other plans for the kids on Wednesday?
Taking pictures of his little Dan is just too weird. Our local Trailblazer big man (Greg Oden) did that and send via his cell phone to his girlfriend. Problem with that was once she was no longer his girlfriend, she made the pics public.
No Kerry I did not have specific plans for Wednesday, just taking Nathan for allergy shots. Still I don't think that he or his mother should be making plans on my day without first asking me if it is okay! Sheesh! (Not biting your head off, Kerry, just frustrated at them.)
Yeah if only I had been quick thinking enough to steal the data card out of his camera, take it home, and copy all the photos to a flash drive of my own. Granted I stopped looking after three, there were pics on that camera going all the way back to last Fall so I hate to imagine how many more there may have been! Ick. Granted where the heck would I post the pictures? Eww.
Just do your own thing with the kids tomorrow. If your former MIL calls, just let her know since it was your day, you already had time planned with the kids. She needs to be nipped in the bud too!
What did your C say about the pics? Was she all for calling him on them?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
C is not until 4:00. It is 3:12 here now. Headed out to get some Starbucks and go to the counselor (she is in Omaha 30 min from here). Very curious what she will have to say.
I do know one thing. As ashamed as Dan is of himself, as much as he hates himself and his life and has said as much (when not trying to make me the source of his misery), once he knows that I know about the pictures I expect him to lash out in a very nasty way. Not sure what, but it won't be good. He will be so angry with himself and with me for uncovering more of his 'secret' life that he thought nobody knew about...
Good golly Miss Molly!! I finally caught up! BBJ, there is some seriously messed up sh!t going on here and it's time for Dan to be put in his place.
1)Dan specifically said he would be bringing the kids there by 7:30a. Warn him that if he does that again - doesn't show within 30 minutes of the scheduled time, doesn't answer his phone - your next phone call will have to be to the police to have them do a welfare check on him since he is unstable. Maybe that's a little overboard but you will think of something. He needs to know that this is a safety issue as well as a custody issue. If you need to involve the court and keep him to a STRICT schedule regardless of his work schedule then so be it. He wanted this and he isn't going to jerk you around anymore.
2)The DIY porn must be addressed immediately. Not in a wishy washy manner either. Straight to the point. "Dan, last year you left your suitcase sitting in the middle of the floor where the kids could easily get in it and rummage around to find your porn stash. Now you have taken pictures of your penis for God knows what purpose and left them in your camera and the odds are good that the kids can stumble on them. You will not question my parenting (i.e. - bug spray, bedtime, baseball practice) especially while you are one split second away from exposing our children to permanent damage due to your perversions."
Or something to that effect..........
3)Contact is limited to child related medical emergency or child scheduling only. There are to be no critical texts, no casual references, nothing that is not a dire emergency. All texts, phone calls, or emails having anything to do with any other subject will be promptly ignored. If they are in any abusive toward me they will be forwarded to my L.
This man is sick and twisted. There are no excuses for any of his behavior regardless of his upbringing. He's a coddled mommy's boy who never grew up and developed these tendencies probably because he has felt emasculated by his mother and this is how he makes up for it.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I've been checking out real estate there for once the kids have flown the nest. Long time from now, yes, but a girl has to have some dreams!