I have been floating around for several months. I went from newcomers to surviving but have decided to post over here in the MLC area...as suggested by Mach1 and TrueGrit. Here is my story in a nutshell.

With H for 10 years- 5 years married..no children. Suspected an A in May 2008...secretary at his office..she has two children, two different fathers, never married, 2nd affair with a married man in his office.

Confirmed A in May 2009. Begged for forgiveness and I was willing to. Confirmed A still going on in November 2009. We physically separated in Jan 2010 and decided to D in April.

H has always been very moody. Grandmother was bi-polar. He went to IC 2x and the therapist told him he lacked empathy. Before A- H always had wild mood swings...could be verbally abusive..when he was in one of his moods. H became very verbally and emotional abusive once A began and continued this behavior throughout our separation.

Signs of MLC:
- grew his hair long (partner at a law firm- out of character)
- wanted to join the peace corps, then wanted to learn Arabic
- A with a woman he probably wouldn't even talk to
- For a period of time- H stopped talking to his mother and sister
- Wasn't communicating with any friends
- Speeding ticket for 4 points (he was very by the book)

Reasons he gave for his A...
- I got "not sure I was ever attracted to you...but it was easy having sex with you because you are a pretty girl"
..you can fake that for 10 years???
- Our dogs would bark too much..the puppy wasn't trained yet
- I didn't put him on a pedestal and he was used to being treated that way
- Our bathroom remodeling project took too long and he felt emasculated because my brothers were doing the work

To date, no papers have been filed. I believe H is still seeing OW. I just finished refinancing our home under my name only. H is still in the process of moving his stuff out. He left behind almost all of the furniture, electronics, and appliances. My H is supposed to be getting me the D papers but still hasn't provided them to me yet..although I have asked for them several times.

After my refinance..my H has been treating me much better. I don't speak to him much anymore..but when he has been over picking up stuff- he has asked me if I need him to do anything or if he could help. This is a far cry from where he was two months ago..where I was getting threatening emails, strange text messages, being accused of odd things....it is almost like he "snapped" out of it....occassional emails of 'I'm sorry- you never deserved this'...'I feel lousy'. H is asking a lot of questions when I see him. I am very civil to him but don't think I can be friends with him so I keep that distance between us.

I, for the most part, feel much better than I have in the past few months. I definitely still have my moments with all of this. I have been killing myself trying to understand 'why this happened?'. I have been seeing an IC. My friends on DB have encouraged me to stop asking those questions and focus on myself. As many of us know...this is so difficult to do- especially after making someone your primary focus for so many years.