PEI, Thanks for your caring nature. It's amazing how I seem to seek that out these days.
I'm not so pathetic as I was just a few months ago..crying all the time and waiting to wake up from a bad dream. It took me awhile, but I finally realized that I can't fix it, can't fix him..can only fix me. And sometimes I even go back to being that scared and desperate person thinking that if I just say the right thing or show him the right article, post, TV show, etc. it will all make sense to him and he'll just snap out if it. It's been a long and scary rollercoaster ride. Even tho he doesn't acknowledge it right now, we really are a great couple and have lots of things in common. I hope I can hang in there long enough for him to see that. Occasionally I see glimpses of my wonderful husband, and I know that I'm in love with the guy he used to be, but also know that there were things about that guy that weren't that great either..and that he will never be that guy again. Which is good. I also will never be the same..and that's good too.
I agree about the weight thing. I am still the same person inside, no matter how I look on the outside. However, I have come to believe that a husband and wife should pay attention to the way they look..it makes a difference. So, yes, while I started losing weight to fix our marriage (some of it was unintentional as I was so caught up in the drama, I forgot to eat or wasn't hungry), I came to feel pretty good about being thinner..for my health as well as my self esteem.I have read alot on this forum about what the LBS learns as a result of their spouse's MLC and see alot of truth in what I've read. I even remember saying that his MLC has caused me to go thru a growth spurt myself..and that is a good thing. Painful but good.
I spent alot of time trying to figure out what was happening and why. It seemed really important to me to be able to find the reason. Now that I know, I'm curious about what I can do to help us, to help myself, and to minimize the damage/maximize the potential for a happy ending..whatever that might be. I'd like to have him end things with the OP for real, no contact. I don't think we'll be able to move forward if he is still thinking about her. His having sex with her would be a deal breaker for me. He says he hasn't been with her since he told her he was moving back with me. I'm believing him at the moment.
I'm thinking about going back to school as I'm not getting many bites on my job apps. Probably the 5 year gap since I last worked. I hate living where I am, because I don't know anyone except my son and family and a few neighbors. I'd really like to be close to where the rest of my family is, expecially now that my D is expecting a new baby. It's really too far away to visit our families regularly. And the weather is BRUTAL here. We do have a nice home, and the weather is ok in the summer..plus I do get to see my son and his family once in a while, but they expect to move within the next year or so. My H told me we would be here for a year..year and a half, tops..it is going on 4 years now. We left a dream home to move here so he could take this job..only to have him decide he hated the job and threaten our marriage with an affair. But he couldn't help having the MLC and shoudda, coudda, woudda never did anyone any good. So I'm going to go "cup half full" and believe that this was all God's plan to move us along on our journey.
Thank you for being kind and caring. I have a pretty good idea of what I need to do, for the most part anyway, just need some support and to talk to people who have been there, done that. I've gotten lots of good ideas.
