Thanks Sunny... KEN, you need to STOP listening to your wife's BS... She's TRYING to SCARE YOU OFF
if you get a court order keeping the OM away from her kids you FORCE her to CHOOSE between her kids and OM... She will KNOW she can't keep them in her home, even on weekends... That you will have full custody... that is a HUGE hit for you if you can get that... It will really take the wind out of her sails...
Sounds like you are quite discouraged. R talk will do that to you. Much of the advice you have been given has been offered with the intention of protecting you and your feelings as well as attacking the A. Don't be tempted to wallow, hug your girls, and keep going.
Having canned responses to some of the things I hear over and over, really helps.
For example:
W: Our M is doomed. I want a D. Ken: I do not want a D. I will not help you do that. (Exit, Walk away, do not discuss it any further)
You must focus on not engaging in convo w/ her. Make your point and go. She will use anything more than that to justify her behavior. You are giving her tons of ammo.
Read Seeing red's post today on hindsight.
You have been talking about RO's for awhile now. Take care of it! Let go of the fear of pushing her to OM. Odds are, if you handle this properly, you will push her to OM and that will prove to be a miserable choice for her w/ awful consequences and the A will end. All of your dilly-dallying around is prolonging things. A long time ago I told you your sitch was a lot like the example sitch Dr Harley uses (Sue greg Jon)in "Surviving an Affair". Did you ever read it?
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
The reason I haven't gone to the lab owner is that she says she will lose her job and that it will be MY fault. (I responded that it would be her and OM's fault.) Plus as long as she stays, we really need the money.
Thanks bluestar about the advice to protect my finances. I noticed W has a new bank account and has puts some of her money into it. When I confronted her about it, she says she is saving up. But of course she could have just used our savings account. Last night, she said she would not be putting any more of HER money into our account. (I don't really buy much, so there's really no reason for that.) I think its time for me to start putting my checks into a new account too.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
Plus as long as she stays, we really need the money.
and then you say:
Quote:
I noticed W has a new bank account and has puts some of her money into it.
So which is more important at the moment????????
Quote:
I think its time for me to start putting my checks into a new account too.
Good move! And consider taking her off of any credit accts she is a signer on or that you have jointly. Close the joint bank acct. I thought you did this ages ago.
I will post on the hindsight thread later but one of things I wish I had done was to expose stronger at H's work. I was afraid he would lose our contracts and it would hurt our business. He ended up trashing the business thru neglect anyway. Did you check your credit reports? Probably time to do that again.
Last edited by WhatNow; 07/07/1001:59 AM.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
I noticed W has a new bank account and has puts some of her money into it. When I confronted her about it, she says she is saving up. But of course she could have just used our savings account. Last night, she said she would not be putting any more of HER money into our account. (I don't really buy much, so there's really no reason for that.) I think its time for me to start putting my checks into a new account too.
Frankly, considering everything that's happened already, Ken, I'm kind of STUNNED that you haven't already done this.
Plus as long as she stays, we really need the money
Quote:
she said she would not be putting any more of HER money into our account. (I don't really buy much, so there's really no reason for that.)
I don't understand. You need the money.....but it's not necessary for her to contribute what she makes to the family account?
If she leaves to be with OM....you better expose her to her boss! What or how would that make any difference to your income if she's with OM.......or if she's keeping her money in a little pot waiting for the right time to leave.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Be strong, Ken! Time to think with your head and not your heart. Doing practical things for yourself will help you feel stronger and more confident and able to make the real changes necessary FOR YOU that help in GAL!
