mach1, you're funny. It's actually ltaylor, like little l, and then taylor. I should probably change my user name as it looks funny.
I have done some deep soul searching in regards to what we could have done differently in our marriage. He says he has too..which is scary because he's just not thinking clearly and is blaming everything on me most of the time. Yes, I did gain some weight..but didn't realize that it would cause our marriage to fail. Thought he might mention it to me before that happened. Quit smoking, menopause, knee problems/surgery, family genetics, etc. Anyway, I've lost 50 lbs since all this started and am exercising as well. I still have a few to go to get into that size 7, but I'm working on it. He is passive agressive and very sensitive. He says that he wanted to tell me things over the years about what he wanted, etc. but didn't want to hurt my feelings. But, gees, I'm not a mind reader..and he has admitted that he should have told me things he was feeling, instead of expecting me to just know. I can be a bit controlling, (found out thru C that it is related to abandonemnt stuff)and am working on that too. He has problems with decision making so I naturally assumed the role, someone had to. But believe me when I say I would love to give up some of the control..be equal partners..so I just need for him to figure out how to take some control without going overboard and being a jerk about it.
We have figured out that we need to learn how to communicate better..I thought we were but not the case, I guess. We never fought, he doesn't like raised voices or arguing so most things were left unsaid and buried..everyone thought we had the best relationship and wanted to be like us. Our C says it's healthy to fight sometimes. The only thing that my H says he'd like to see change is my weight, get a job(be more independent), and do fun things. I have lost weight, am actively applying for jobs, and am suggesting active fun things to do together. After traveling all week, he tells me that he just wants to recharge his batteries and relax..so that's a double edged sword..damned if I plan fun stuff and damned if I let him sit around and relax. He tells me that I am doing all the right things and that there is probably not one more thing I could do to move this along. he is the one that needs to figure out what he wants. The hardest thing to do is sit back and watch them try to figure it out and know that in their altered state they could throw it all away and then later regret it, and I will have moved on. Or at least if I haven't moved on with someone else, I will have had to jump thru the many hoops of the D, selling the house, moving everything, storage, finding a job and new life, etc. It seems so senseless. Guess that's why I'm waiting it out, trying to figure out what I can do to lessen the impact. Most of my support group is looking at me like I'm crazy and wondering outloud why I put up with all this. Guess you need to go thru it to know.
