If I had to do it all over again, knowing what I know now, I would have:
1. Asked him to get rid of her and given him a time line for her to be gone. I would not have been intimate with him again unless he complied.
If he didn't comply, I would have continued to keep him at a distance but also:
2. Taken his office keys, gone to his office, gone through all his drawers and found the evidence of the Victoria's Secret items, flowers, candies, etc., he sent her.
3. Logged on to his University reimbursement accounts and printed off all "business dinner" receipts he had with OW that were reimbursed by the University.
4. Printed off the 90 days worth' of 24/7 text messages, averaging 1,000 per month back and forth.
5. Made an appointment with the Dept. Chair.
6. Taken ALL the evidence with me to that meeting, shown it all to the Chair, and told him I wanted OW removed from WH mentorship immediately since WH refused to do it.
7. Threaten to expand my exposure to the graduate affairs committee, the student oversight committee, etc., if it was not addressed ASAP.
WH would have been blindsided, OW would have been asked to leave, and we'd be in recovery right now.
Instead, I was hurt, confused, angry, etc., allowed it drag on and on, eroding our marriage and giving OW power and leverage she neither needs nor deserves.
In short, if I had acted more quickly and forcefully THEN, I wouldn't be here now. <Sigh>
