What I really am here to say is that, it took him saying he didn't want me anymore to wake me up and realize how unhappy I was with how thing were also. I wish he'd said something before he gave up I know you think she should know or that you've told her how you feel but she may not really understand and if you wait until you've moved on in your head, walk out leave her emotional without actually telling and making sure she knows how serious it is, you aren't giving her a chance to change.
Like you say, I'm sure it's not a hearing problem, but an understanding problem. I've told my wife about the seriousness of the problem until I was blue in the face, even to the point where she said I was just obsessed with it and I needed to back off. At one point, she even said I was sexually harrassing her. That was the first time I'd heard that phrase applied to a marriage!
bpickle, you say it took your husband saying he didn't want you anymore for you to "wake up". Then why do you wish he'd said something before? Didn't he say anything at all? You seem to be saying you were so wrapped up in everything else that you ignored it. So what choice did he have then but to do what he did? You're basically saying that it took what he finally did to wake you up, and then you complain that he went that far to make the point to you.
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I think here is still hope you just need to break though the wall she has up and the way you are going about it now isn't working so try something different because I bet she still loves you and just isn't seeing things straight. If you were to walk out tomorrow she'd be devastated and shocked.
bpickle, I'm curious to know how you'd have felt and reacted if instead of announcing his departure, he said he's planning to stay with you and that he was OK with not having sex as long as you didn't want it, but he would like to have a girlfriend "with benefits", who he would occasionally spend an afternoon or evening with. And assume he was experienced enough with people and relationships that you knew he could find a girlfriend who was happy with that arrangement because she was in a similar situation herself. I'm not asking for anyone's moral comments on that arrangement, because I already know what most people would say about it. I'm asking, what would your response have been? I think it's a fair question because you're being given a choice, and he's being above-board about it.
If sex did not matter to you, then why would it matter to you if he had sex with someone else? That's really my question. I've asked other women the same question, and I'm not sure I really ever "get" the answers they come up with. It seems like what they really want is for their guy to not ever have sex with anybody. They want their husbands to be neutered eunuchs who just help around the house. Well, they had those in the ancient harems. But that was then and this is now. Get with the modern times, ladies, where all the men are now like the kings who had the harems. We men are all intact and we want sex!!! How can I be any more clear!
Thanks for letting me rant! It felt good to say that to someone other than my wife! Don't take it personally. It's just an expression of my own frustration! ;-)
Some parts of society are attempting to put things back this way. Just because you are denied sex does not mean they aren't having it.
