Yeah, I hear ya. I'm keeping my mouth shut! It's hard to know how to just be. I'm in a confused state in that I don't know if I'm still supposed to be "letting go" or if I'm supposed to be working at reconnecting. There's a big difference. So, for now I just am in this middle ground. If H initiates, I respond...but I do not initiate. If I felt I was supposed to be letting go - I would not respond. If I felt I was supposed to be fully reconnecting, I would make more efforts to initiate some things. Maybe this middle ground is where I'm supposed to be, for now.
Last night I felt very distant and must have been acting like it. H gestured for me to put my head in his lap and he was being affectionate... It's like, why does he do that after having been withdrawn all day? Is it purely because he wants sex? I hate the mixed signals: let me act cold and go do my own thing yet at night, when I feel a little bad for being this way, let me act affectionate... Oh, and of course, I want my physical needs met to! Nevermind your emotional needs....
Your husband has MOODS my dear, just like women do...
He's very aware of his feelings now and he's letting them drive his actions... NOT a good idea for men or women in my opinion, but such is life for the instinct celebrating fools...
Your husband wants space, peace and quiet, time to process, and yes later on he has a different mood to have connection, companionship, etc... This is NOT that unusual ya know...
Your husband has MOODS my dear, just like women do...
He's very aware of his feelings now and he's letting them drive his actions... NOT a good idea for men or women in my opinion, but such is life for the instinct celebrating fools...
Your husband wants space, peace and quiet, time to process, and yes later on he has a different mood to have connection, companionship, etc... This is NOT that unusual ya know...
WOMEN do this ALL THE TIME lol
Well....true!!! lol
I just don't know how best to react to it all, is the problem. Am I supposed to be tough and "unavailable" to draw him to me or am I supposed to be trying to "be what he needs" and show him I am the better option?! It's hard to know, based on these mood swings of his!
You think MEN have any better ideas how to deal with this?
We don't...
What you CAN do until your FT gives you more guidance is be there when he wants to be connected and give him his space when he doens't... if he's offering both then work with that.. It will be good enough to survive the week..
I really don't like to give too much advice when there is a FT involved... I am contaminating their efforts when I offer my own advice...
So try to get as many questions answered as possible.. AGAIN I reccomend you go AFTER your H goes or you will make yourself anxious not knowing what your FT knows yet... it will drive you nuts... don't do that...
If you go after he does then your FT will keep you fully in the loop and you ca'nt sit there making yourself panic wondering what the FT knows from the last session that you don't yet... It will kill you...
OK! Will do. Of course, I need to find out if H is actually going this week to do that...
I DID go enroll in school today. I am now officially a college student! Going back to finish my degree. Guess what I want to do eventually: be a FT! The RIGHT kind!
You have really moved forward in your sitch since you posted on my thread in the newcomers section. I am still amazed that you took the time to read my whold thread. I appreciate that you had the interest in my sitch.
I am sure that will you make a great FT. I am impressed.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
Thanks, LSG. Once I started coming over here to this section, I lost track a little with the newcomers section but have been trying to keep up. I pray for you and all the others on here daily! While it's hard to be where we all are, I know we are better off for having found the support here rather than floundering alone like so many others are doing. How are you doing???
I appreciate the encouragement! I'm very excited about going back to school!
One bit of frustration last night: H saw me looking through my textbook for my class that starts next week and made a comment that maybe I should be looking to major in something else. Said that even the FT said it wasn't a very lucrative/promising career path...maybe as a "secondary income" but not as a primary. Then he went on to say that I should talk to someone more in depth about the prospects. Then added that, "he's OK with it, but need to know what's what..." Alls I could think was, "What the heck did he mean by all of that?!" I didn't even ask. I wasn't going to let him bait me or upset me. I'm too excited about what I'm doing. This morning I'm sitting here wondering what he meant by secondary income and he's ok with this or that BUT... Is he implying I need to make sure I have enough primary income for myself that he doesn't have to support me? He's OK with it??? Oh, I guess he is saying he is supposed to have final approval because he is the one working (and I'm not) and he's paying for it? I don't know. Yes, in a normal situation I would talk to my spouse about my future and my decisions, but as part of GAL, I am doing what I want to do!
Anyway, I'm going to try not to think about it too much. One foot in front of the other and I have time to sort out whether or not I want to major in something else. My passion is to help people in the very situations we all find ourselves in!
A thought just occurred to me. I'm not sure if it's a correct thought - but a thought, nonetheless. I think H is happy I'm going back to school and GAL and all that so he doesn't feel guilty about bailing on our M and our kids. You know, if I'M ok, then HE can be OK!
I can't get past the fact that he was discussing my choice of a 4 year major with FT and why it's good/not good in terms of a primary or secondary income!
SO: I want to be OK, of course! But I don't want to let him off the hook! He SHOULD feel guilty about what he's doing/wanting to do to our family!
Sunny... Your H's TELLING you he's feeling miserable right now... his attitude towards your career prospects are simply a reflection of this...
If you told him about anything you want to do he's gonig to be negative about it.. its how he FEELS right now...
I would simply tell him
Unless or until you are prepared to fully commit to a lifelong marriage I really don't think your opinion about my career prospects is open for discussion.
I would be happy to discuss my choices with you, but not under present circumstances.
