Yeah, I hear ya. I'm keeping my mouth shut! It's hard to know how to just be. I'm in a confused state in that I don't know if I'm still supposed to be "letting go" or if I'm supposed to be working at reconnecting. There's a big difference. So, for now I just am in this middle ground. If H initiates, I respond...but I do not initiate. If I felt I was supposed to be letting go - I would not respond. If I felt I was supposed to be fully reconnecting, I would make more efforts to initiate some things. Maybe this middle ground is where I'm supposed to be, for now.
Last night I felt very distant and must have been acting like it. H gestured for me to put my head in his lap and he was being affectionate... It's like, why does he do that after having been withdrawn all day? Is it purely because he wants sex? I hate the mixed signals: let me act cold and go do my own thing yet at night, when I feel a little bad for being this way, let me act affectionate... Oh, and of course, I want my physical needs met to! Nevermind your emotional needs....
