You know ... I don't feel like I'm struggling with "am I really living it" ... I have so much PEACE inside me right now ... what I do struggle with is having him GET it - and by 'it' I mean 'me being done'. And I know I can't control that so I'm letting it go ...
PEI,
This bothers me a little actually...
I once had a wise DBer tell me that , If their interactions still invoked anger in any way, then you are not truly done yet.
And if , you can deal with their MLC spew with the same emotion as you walk to the mailbox with, then maybe you are done,
I still see that emotion with you, and that is not a bad thing.
What bothers me , and it isn't just with you lately, is that you feel that you have to be one or the other right now.
Living your life, and just rebuilding YOU ,should be a process for you.
Nobody else is privy right now to that.
And by having him "get it" puts that focus right back on him for now.
And it kinda seems that it is solely for the purpose of him "getting it".
I know you said you are dropping the rope, I also see that you have to remind yourself of that too...
The rebuilding of trust is one of the hardest things you will encounter through this....
And that starts with the rebuilding of trust within yourself too.
Right now, you don't trust yourself that your changes are real, why should he ?
The only way to start trusting again is through repetitive actions, whether with yourself or with someone else....
Start with trusting yourself PEI...
Healing is an intensely private thing among all of us. More so on these boards, but just as intense none-the-less.
There is nothing wrong on concentrating on that for now without him having to see that in you.
Those would be your actions....
And I see some contradiction between your words and actions because of that lack of trust within yourself
