The year of not my problem

[AJM]

Journaling:
Weekend was great! Had a really good time with the kids. Fourth of July fireworks with the kids and friends. Took daughter driving yesterday and mall'd around a bit. Took son to the movies with this friends. Went running last night with friends. All in all, very relaxing and very nice weekend.
Spoke to an old friend yesterday. He pointed out that wife's entitlement has been going on for close to six years and to be careful because of the manipulation. He's right and I hate that he is. I realize there is nothing I can do about it, but I also realize it won't stop for quite some time. Years. I'm so tired of the junk she keeps throwing at me and the attempts to control me and yet walk away without any responsibility. To that end, when she changed the sep agreement we had worked out, I decided I'll shop around for a different lawyer. A friend suggested I get a woman lawyer which makes sense to me. I don't want things to be ugly, but I cannot give anything else.

As I mentioned before, it saddens me to see this previously wonderful person be so vindictive and manipulative, seething with anger and entitlement. It's way off the scales with how far she takes it. I realize that while I'm not perfect, I've done nothing to deserve what she is doing and that helps. I knew a while back I couldn't go back and have nothing left to give. I've extended myself beyond what I could offer before and now that she changed the sep agreement from what we had, I see it as time to fix that.

Daughter started to open up to me this weekend about what's going on. I see that as a good thing and I hope she does more. She has had several bouts of anger (fury?) and also some times where she can talk more openly about what's going on. She seems to sense that she can talk to me about it more and is already making plans as to how she will handle things. I hope that continues. I also hope that son will eventually start to open up as well. He hasn't really spoken about it at all except to talk about wife's new friends.

Another old friend that went to the beach with her confided in me (I didn't ask) that she really wasn't happy about the time spent. Said it wasn't the same and that wife was just texting like a teen the whole time and really wasn't "present". I feel sorry for the friend although she also sees what is happening.

Waiting for a call from the new lawyer to setup a consult. I realized that the legal aspects are such a small part of this and it doesn't really mean much to me. But I also realize that it is important to make sure things are done equitably and that I set a good example to the kids. And that I fight for the kids rights in this. Don't have to get ugly about it, but it does need to be done and I hope the new lawyers can help me do that.

Still causes some sadness from time to time. Mostly I don't think about it much any more.

AJ