I agree that you need to mention it. It is not unlikely that kids will look at the pictures on Daddy's camera. And that could be seriously warping to those 2 inquisitive minds. I woulds say, "Were those pictures for me? Did you think I needed to see pictures of your d*** so I would think of what i was missing?!" And before he comes back with his "it's all your fault that I'm so messed up!", you just say, "Erase those pictures on your camera!"
I sort of cant quite believe the way he speaks to you, that he is so disrepectful to send 2 texts with those 2 words in. It was mean, I guess he's really passive aggressive.
I really really think you should ask him/tell him to stop textng you this random sh*t. It just churns you up. We've often said here, that texting is not a good way to communicate as co-parents. You are divorced. There are going to be issues if you shunt kids from one parent to the other (like no nebuliser at his, or no bug spray with them..) but you cant be responsible when its his time with them. So he goes and buys bug spray. So what?
Its kind of bullying the way he is with you. Controlling. Can you find a way to stand up to him and tell him to stop doing this? Like the comments about Sydney the other day. Or agree a set time to discuss issues like this, say once a month or something ?? One to discuss with the IC maybe. I dont know, but he is being really childish if he doesnt realise that there will be issues and inconveniences and inconsistences now you arent a M couple. He needs to chillax and take it a bit more on the chin, or grow up hey.
Did you reply to his texts? I hope not sweets, Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I agree, same thing about having Nathan practise ball, sleep time, bug spray, what's next? I mean COME ON!!!!! This is mean, controlling f@cked up and says a lot about how he thinks he is entitled to treat you. Please, do reply to one of these texts with something that sets a boundary. I would. I would say something like :unless you have serious concerns about the way your kids are raised by me, keep your comments, demands, wishes etc etc to yourself. I am the one judging how things should be when the kids are with me. And BTW @sshole, talking about serious concerns, you better make sure you keep your dirty sick things away from them or you are gonna have to face the consequences...". K
So Dan had the kids overnight. When he left I said to bring the kids here in the morning when he went to work (as opposed to taking them to childcare). He said ok.
Well I got up at 7 and puttered around waiting for them. He has claimed he is supposed to be at work by 7:30 but usually he doesn't drop them off until 7:15-7:30 and is all frazzled bc he is running late.
Well, 8:00 comes and no kids. Then 8:15. I texted at 8:20 asking where kids were. (I know he got a comp day for July 4 and thought maybe he was using it?)
He did not reply so I called at 8:30 and got his voicemail.
He texted at 8:40 that his dad was watching the kids and would bring them over when they woke up, they were exhausted...
Am I wrong in thinking he needed to TELL me this??? Seriously if he said he'd bring them before work and then he wasn't going to, he should have told me.
He has not done anything bad regarding the kids and yet I have to admit I was concerned for their safety. He has previously told me how he hates his life, is so stressed, depressed, etc. And I know he is still living his 'double life' bc of the camera pics, so that must eat him up that he has to hide that part from friends and family. I really thought for a few minutes that maybe he took them somewhere or hurt himself and maybe them. Am I out of line for worrying about that??
OK I will process this crap with my counselor this afternoon, but seriously it has to stop. Now. Seriously.
I had texted telling him to inform me in the future if he was not bringing them before work as planned.
He replied in a barrage of texts:
*They have brought them to you every day since mom retired (actually his dad has brought them over once and I picked them up once)
*Why did you not put Sydney down for a nap yesterday
*She is a mess
*Which means I'm a mess
*And buy some better bug spray
(The text last night was him accusing me of not using bug spray on the kids, which I had...so it must have been cheap apparently since they had bites??)
I am livid. His parents have brought the kids over twice and both times he informed me ahead of time. The whole thing is pure spiteful BS. Ugh.
Suggestions for how to put the kibosh on this juvenile crap NOW.
He is going to control you as long as you let him. He says what he does because he knows it hurts you. Let him know that he needs to have full set of meds at his house, that you do take care of the kids while they are under your care and request that he stop implying otherwise.(Don't feel bad I sprayed all of us in between the firework sessions we had and I still have a few bites myself!!) Tell him that you are sticking to the schedule and any deviations need to be discussed beforehand. Then quit talking to him!! Seriously!!!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
"When you stop taking pictures of yourself masturbating and get help for your sex and anger issues, then feel free to give me parenting advice. Until then, cut the crap."
I will discuss with my counselor though. I mean seriously, I stopped looking after 3 pictures not sure how many are on there. And I am sure there is porn on his work laptop because it is his only computer, and I found the dvds in his suitcase after a business trip so he had to have watched them on his laptop. Wonder how HR would feel if they did a scan of his hard drive and found a bunch of porn.
Just pissed off this morning, I have counseling this afternoon so was taking kids to child care around 11 so they would be there for lunch and nap time for Sydney, lunch and movie time for Nathan. My whole morning time with them is gone now...
Maybe that would be a good question to ask your C because really he could lose his job which would of course affect you as well. I know of lots of people that have been fired for accessing inappropriate sites on work computers. Don't know if you would want to use it like a threat though.
You really have to stop playing a long. Throw the rope away and don't pick it up. Slowly all of his "issues" will stop bothering you.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
He has no clue how badly I could screw him if I wanted to. Right now, I want to, so I am waiting a bit to see if my anger subsides...
His laptop is work provided. I doubt they would appreciate if it is loaded with porn.
His cell phone is also paid for and provided by work. So if it is full of pictures and texts they may not like that either. Then again it's the meat industry and they are an old boys' club.
Not sure custody wise since porn is not illegal if the people in it are adults. However if his laptop, cell phone, and camera were seized and contained a crapload of porn I would think that would not bode well for him.
Oh and last month he sent me a picture of himself with his grill the kids (and I) got him for father's day.
That stuck out in my mind because I used to send him a pic of the kids now and then and he would reply, "I can't send or receive pictures, remember?" And now he can? So either he got a new phone or he upgraded services so he could send and receive pictures. Gee, I wonder why????
