Again, I disagree somewhat with Allen on this. I think all you can (and should) do is imform the in-laws about the REAL damaging aspects of infidelity, let them know you are fighting for the marriage, and then re-expose every time your wife flatly LIES to them or to everyone.
If you cross over into what will appear to your wife to be "orchestrating" everything, then -- ironically -- I think it's going to be perceived as "pursuing." And defensive.
I exposed HARD to my in-laws (and 2-3 times subsequently), but then I pretty much backed off. Just let them know this (divorce) WASN'T what I wanted, I was still fighting for the marraige, but that I was also doing what I had to do to protect myself. And that the ball was squarely in their daughter's court.
btw, your wife's chasing of this OM is kinda pathetic. Just sayin'.
