That's why I want to get her to Retrovaille. Another month of DB thrown in with a weekend that I hear nothing but positive things about.
She started with more negative stuff this evening, about how she didn't want to do something with me that we already had tickets for.
But yesterday I saw the SLIGHTEST glimmer of the old her in there.
So I think Retrovaille thrown in the mix with IC, FC, and DB might be enough either to bring her out, or to finally let me say I gave it my all, and tip my own hat to me for doing WHAT IS RIGHT.
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 07/05/1011:02 PM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
Of course she said no QS... She's not there yet... Ret is for people who WANT to rebuild a marriage but don't know how... She needs a few months work yet...
Here's the difference typed right out of Divorce Remedy for you :
Make sure your therapist has received specific training in and is experienced in marital therapy. Too often, therapists say they do couples therapy or marital therapy if they have two people sitting in the office. This is incorrect. Marital therapy requires very different skills than doing individual therapy. Individual therapists usually help people identify and process feelings. They assist them in achieving personal goals. "How do you feel about that" is their mantra.
Couples therapists, on the other hand, need to be skilled in helping people overcome differences that naturally occur when two people live under the same roof. They need to know what makes marriage tick. A therapist can be very skilled as an individual therapist and be clueless about helping couples change. For this reason, don't be shy. Ask your therapist about his or her training and experience.
Asking your wife to go to Ret or FT is equivalent to pursuing... It just stiffens their resolve to leave.
If her mother can do it that's great, but I don't reccomend you press the matter with her...
But my main point here is to make sure this is a FAMILY THERAPIST... You mentioned earlier IC... NEVER SEND your wife to IC.... She is WAY TOO INVIDIDUALISTIC MINDED ALREADY
And Ret will not convince your wife of anything.... They TEACH couples how to get along better... Your wife is given skills and WORK to do... If she does NOT do the follow up at home afterwards (and she may not) then Ret isn't very successful...
I am not dissing Ret, but I do think you may need to db for a bit longer before you get her considering Ret. If you push it for long right now you may just turn her off of it for later when it may be effective.
You mentioned earlier IC... NEVER SEND your wife to IC.... She is WAY TOO INVIDIDUALISTIC MINDED ALREADY
Well, she is the one who wants to do that. She found this IC on her own. And there is no stopping her. That is definitely her one track and single minded mind.
And yes our FC is a REGISTERED family therapist with specific training in this area.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
Have your MIL talk to her and EDUCATE HER MOTHER on this point... Her mother will probably think she's "trying" and back off a bit on her which is NOT a good idea...
Your wife may have gone to IC to shut her Mother up? If that IS the case you need to educate her mother and get her mother to tell her that IC is NOT gonna fly...
Well apart from the IC issue, there is ANOTHER one with the OM
She sent him a Facebook message last night, asking why he hasn't responded, and when she can visit.
And earlier yesterday, she took more pictures and sent him a MMS message. They weren't nude pics, but they were DEFINITELY suggestive.
He has sent her only 1 text message in almost a month, and it was very harmless. But she has pursued him to no end.
I told her mom about this continued contact, and she said she was "disappointed". HOWEVER my wife also talked to her, and just lied saying he was "an old friend".
I am getting the feeling her mom is no longer REALLY with me, and sees how far gone my wife is. She may be telling me just what I want to hear. She also has let my wife know I talk to her, which gives my wife a one-up on me.
I am afraid if I continue to talk to her mom, she is going to think I am obsessing, or am trying to force my wife into something she doesn't want.
How do you keep a parent in the loop and on the side of the marriage? I watched the video with them, but I REALLY get the feeling they just want their daughter to stop hurting, and they think that I am the one who is pushing to hard.
I am REALLY at a loss what to do. I know nothing will ever change should she continue to pursue this other guy.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
