It's normal for WAS to get angry when you start making changes they wanted you to make and asked you to make, but you wouldn't listen.
And in their mind (and they might be right--who knows?), you are only doing it because they left, and they only left because they were tired of waiting. So... it angers them.
Now, you should stop "telling" her about your changes. You just change. It will be self-evident.
As for the bolded content... it seemed like a shot at her: she lost track of the damn thing, right?
Nah, not a "shot" at her at all. Just a turn of phrase, nothing more
Was sitting on the laptop Youtubing some music and came across one from a group I really liked but hadnt listened to in awhile. Funny thing is it seems by completley random chance ( or maybe an outside force) I keep running into songs I've never heard before that all have to do with lost love or R's in some sort of trouble. Anyway, not trying to torture myself or anything but the lyrics for Fuel " Falls on Me" seemed particularly apropo for me right now.
"Falls On Me"
I've seen you hanging round This darkness where I'm bound And this black hole I've dug for me And silently within With hands touching skin The shock breaks my disease And I can breathe
[Chorus] And all of your weight All you dream Falls on me it falls on me And your beautiful sky The light you bring Falls on me it falls on me
Your faith like the pain Draws me in again She washes all my wounds for me The darkness in my veins I never could explain And I wonder if you ever see Will you still believe?
[Chorus]
Am I that strong To carry on? I might change your life I might save my world Could you save me?
How the hell did we wind up like this Why weren't we able To see the signs that we missed And try to turn the tables
I wish you'd unclench your fists And unpack your suitcase Lately there's been too much of this Dont think its too late
Nothin's wrong just as long as you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow gonna make it allright but not right now I know you're wondering when (You're the only one who knows that) Someday, somehow gonna make it allright but not right now I know you're wondering when
Well i hoped that since we're here anyway We could end up saying Things we've always needed to say So we could end up stringing Now the story's played out like this Just like a paperback novel Lets rewrite an ending that fits Instead of a hollywood horror
Nothin's wrong just as long as you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow gonna make it allright but not right now I know you're wondering when (You're the only one who knows that) Someday, somehow gonna make it allright but not right now I know you're wondering when (You're the only one who knows that)
[Solo]
How the hell did we wind up like this Why weren't we able To see the signs that we missed And try to turn the tables Now the story's played out like this Just like a paperback novel Lets rewrite an ending that fits Instead of a hollywood horror
Nothin's wrong just as long as you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow gonna make it allright but not right now I know you're wondering when (You're the only one who knows that) Someday, somehow gonna make it allright but not right now I know you're wondering when (You're the only one who knows that) I know you're wondering when (You're the only one who knows that) I know you're wondering when
Here's a new chorous going through my pointed head:
Just walk away Leave me alone I am happy On my own
Yeah, walk away There's the door I don't need you Anymore.
Going to be ringing up some sales at the local guitar center if I want to lay this one down. I lay down about 3 songs a decade, so there's a cost-benifit analysis that has to happen.
Like a lollipop. Burpb.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 07/04/1004:27 AM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Hmmmmmm and another piece of the puzzle falls into place. Going thru some boxes of docs and other important stuff I had moved over to my place so the WAW couldnt get them today. Came across a notebook that had a single page "rough draft" of an obvious love letter to her EX. Unfortunately no date or name used, but the langauge makes it quite clear who she was talking about.
How they had been apart for so long, how they're like strangers now, how much she enjoyed their dates that seemed to go on forever, how she loves him but is afraid to show it, how she likes his arm around her in public , blah , blah, blah.
Of course this is in direct contrast to the diary entries she wrote to me when she was recovering in the hospital from delivering our son. Basically begging and crying out to do something to recognize her and our R before it was to late. Keep in mind she NEVER actually gave me the thing to read, so I was in the dark about how lonely and ignored she was feeling.
I will say this, she deserves an Oscar for her performance over the last several months. REALLY glad I had already accepted in my mind that they had or would have carnal relations, so it came as no big shock, even though it still stung to read those words she wrote.
Especially considering how she did such a masterful job of denying everything. Now the question becomes, since she has already shacked up with him, do I "bust her" with what I know, possibly proving that Im not a fool. Or do I sit on it, hope for reconcilation at some point in the future and then only bring up this "love letter" when she may be receptive and or repentant?
Needless to say, while Im not shocked, I AM seething over how she claimed I was the selfish one,and didnt care about the kids , etc while the whole time she was carrying on an affair right under my nose and the kids ( at least DD) WILL BE effected by this for years to come.
She is SUCH a hypocrite. DD's first counseling session was last week and she asked both of us what our collective values were to instill in the kids. WAW actually said with a straight face. " Dont lie , cheat or steal "
REALLY regretting agreeing to joint custody now. Wish I had found the damn notebook sooner. She sure had me snowballed for the entire month of May. Actually got annoyed when I suggested that the EX could smell her vulnerability a mile away and replied with " what and you dont think I can resist that ?"
ARRRGGGGG. Part of me REALLY wants to blast her, let her know I KNOW EVERYTHING now and how disgusted I am with her behavior and the example she is setting for not only our DD, but her twins as well.
I mean, everyone told you that it doesn't really matter what happened in the past and this reconfirms it.
Bottom line is she's conflicted and all it's doing is making you confused. You can choose to stay on her rollercoaster or get off. Start doing your own thing and living YOUR life. If it attracts her back. Fine. If not, then Fine.
That's why the changes you are making are for YOU. Not for HER.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I mean, everyone told you that it doesn't really matter what happened in the past and this reconfirms it.
Bottom line is she's conflicted and all it's doing is making you confused. You can choose to stay on her rollercoaster or get off. Start doing your own thing and living YOUR life. If it attracts her back. Fine. If not, then Fine.
That's why the changes you are making are for YOU. Not for HER.
What I meant by the "anyone" comment was my question about "busting the affair" or holding it close to the vest until some later point when she might be more willing to acknowledge it.
