SA, I have to agree with Mach on this as much as I want to tell you to be nice to him and draw him in he needs to completely dump OW first.
Even if he had dumped OW, you don't want to talk about it. Actions speak louder than words. Watch and wait and focus on you, and I'm saying this to myself also as of late.
It is easy to get sucked back into the MLC vortex. You start playing out what if's and planning next interactions and then WHAM you got expectations, and that leads to disappointment.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
I have to say that I agree with Mach and MHL on this. He has to be the one to come to you!
You just keep doing what you have been...from what you have written, he feels safe when he is there helping bale hay and you don't want to change that!!!
Patience my dear!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Only would take him back if it was his choice to return and H being willing to own his part in the breakdown of the M as I do mine. He would also have to show that he would participate in some kind of counseling to learn how to communicate effectively with each other.
I truly couldn't tell you what he thinks my actions are saying to him. I can tell you that for 7 months I've been polite but distant. I do always thank him for anything that he does for the kids or I that he is not obligated to do.
You're right, it's possible that H may assume I'm standing still waiting for him. He may think that because I tell him nothing about my life. He would be assuming wrong. My GAL activities are things I'm interested in but didn't take the time for when H lived here. I've told you before that I love my life. If I love it and am happy with it, isn't that all that counts? I am living it as though he will never return because in the end that may be exactly what happens, so I'm doing for me and the kids.
I totally agree he's got a long way to go.
Seriously not talking about initiating a R talk by any means.
I am standing, but not still. Doing exactly what I want to do with what I've got to work with and I'm grateful for it.
FTR - Many more incidences coming from H that because I realize on their own don't amount to a hill of beans and probably don't mean a thing so I just don't bother reporting them.
I so appreciate the time that you have given me and am grateful for your wisdom. I will just continue to live my life and will talk to H if/when he initiates.
You are doing great...I admire you for how you are handling yourself. I wish I had your patience and strength!!! I also wish that I didn't feel that I had to "report" any interaction with my H on my thread but I do...there are so few interactions that I need to write about them but not everyone feels that need!!!
And, occassionally, we get that "urge" to "poke the tiger" as M&H says and that is why this place is great so we can come here first and get it out of our system!!!
You are doing just fine!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
