And here I am .... H's MLC ....

[PEI]

I'm processing a lot right now ... trying to take it all in. I am in a good place. I finally understand loving detachment and unconditional love. What a view from up here!

I've been thinking about our upcoming appt with the MC where I intend to tell H that I am moving back into the house full-time and that it is time for him to do what he's been saying he's needed all along - be independant. I am prepping myself for any response so I can't be surprised and REACTIVE, I intend to be RESPONSIVE where necessary, and I will explain my positon to him if he asks but this is non-negotiable for me at this point. I am not in love with the man H is. The old me loved me the old him, and fear and insecurity were the ties that bound for a long time ... but no more.

I am ready to be the woman God intended for me to be ... strong, capable, independant, loving, passionate, honest, true ... I am ready to take risks, make mistakes and love life as an open book. I'm facing insecurity and fear where it dwells - within me ... I'm owning my truth and am grateful for each and every experience which has led me to this place.

This is basically what I want to say to H when we are at the MC next week ...

I am ready to move forward with my own life. I am ready to be open to what ever comes my way ... open to opportunities and experiences ... I am ready to live and love and laugh ...

I want to genuinely say thank you for the growth and learning opportunity that our situation provided me over the last six months. I am truly strong, compassionate and aware, for maybe the first time in my whole life. I only hope that as time goes on you are able to find yourself the way I have, it is honestly a beautiful place to be, but a hellish hard place to find. I have learned so much about myself, and continue to learn on a daily basis ... and will for the rest of my life. I finally love me. I have a much better sense of my wants and dreams, my insecurities and fears, my truths. I will always be grateful to you for instigating the process that tore down my walls and forced me inside myself.

I thank you for loving me enough to hang on the way you did because you were right ... I would not have been ready for this journey had it happened any earlier ...

I hope you do the work, not for me, but for you ... for the clarity, the peace, the power ... there is so much freedom in knowing oneself and slaying one's dragons and monsters ... it's not an easy process, but anything worth having is always going to take hard work. I hope you find happiness, true happiness - the kind that emmanates out of your own core and feeds only on self validation and self worth.

I made a lot of mistakes. So did you. I've forgiven us and I feel lighter. I will finish grieving what is gone and look back with only fond memories.

I am excited about my future and what is in store for me.

And the really cool part???? I mean it

Peace
PEI