Not much has changed other than my attitude. I'm not as nervous agitated as I was. I was surprised how calmly I took that information in and didn't explode. My confidence is returning. She asked if I would be home for dinner and I asked if my D would be home. She said "If I'm home then she is". I said I'd be home around 6. She prepared spaghetti.
Then charging her laptop and BBerry'ing. Watching Bachelorette. I'm not.
I've been reading the boundaries thread and the setting them free thread alot. I feel I am doing well on the setting her free as I'm not reacting emotionally to anything she says and not reading her actions as anything other than "data".
But I have to set some boundaries to stop the cake-eating and gain some respect. I'm just not sure how to do it or which activities to address first.
Obviously, given proof, the OM is unacceptable and she'll have to chhose here or "there".
The secrecy and disconnection of the BBerry is disrespectful and rude. But I'm not sure how to phrase it and what I could use as "consequences". We're pretty much financially committed to staying in this house and I'm sure not leaving. But I've seen too often that it is the "separation" that starts to bring it around for a lot of WAW's. Granted, it could also send her further to OM but given what I know about him (also married) that would be tough to do.
I have to start laying out the boundaries but I'm not sure how to approach it. Am I missing a key element that prevents me from seeing the obvious?
My thoughts were that I needed to catch her doing it and simply say "When you read and/or respond to Messenger stuff while D and I are here, I feel it is disrespectful to both of us. I want you to either not do it or leave the room until you are finished; as often as it takes. I want you to see how disconnected you are from D when yy do it. If you won't, .....
I don't have "the hammer"
Suggestions?
Obviously, the OM will be easier in that it's simply a choice of living quarters. Cut it off (with transparency- tough when they work together) or leave as I will not live in an open marriage.
