ssmguy, he was telling me by saying he needed to have sex and trying to touch me all the time but I misunderstood and kept thinking it was about the sex and that he wasn't listening to me when I was trying to tell him I was too tired and unhappy with myself to feel sexual. What I fail to understand and I feel he failed to fully explain was that it was about more than that it was about feeling like a couple, loving each other and showing that love physically. I was an idiot but I thought I was doing as much as I could and your right I ignored things.
Unfortunately I can understand the "feeling sexual harassed" part, I know it doesn't make sense but you start to feel like ever single touch is a request for sex and it just becomes overwhelming - you don't see that you need the closeness and the touching and the sex, it's only being able to see it from the narrow point of view that you have in your head.
I guess what I meant when I said I wished he hadn't gone that far wasn't right, what I meant is that I wish he'd gone as far a making a stand before he emotional cut himself off. I find that now on the other side of this I wish a great many things had been different.
I'm not sure how I'd have felt about the girlfriend with benefits thing. I think it may have had the same affect as the "I don't want you anymore and I'm thinking of leaving" speech had in making me realize what a mess our relationship was in, because I do love him and want him and I think the only way I could have been okay with the girlfriend thing would be if they way I was acting was actually really the way I felt and I was done with him, if that makes sense? So yes if the sex really didn't matter to me and I wasn't in love with him anymore then I think I would maybe have agreed to the girlfriend thing. Sadly there are times now when I think if he suggested it as the only way he'd stay I might be able to live with rather than losing him completely.
I don't think you need to be more clear about wanting sex... we get that much I think, but I think we fail to see how important it is for both partners and to see how it makes you feel so "neutered" as you put it. I understand your need to rant it must be truly frustrating to stand by and feel that you've tried everything to have your partner understand and have them throw it back in your face. Sometimes feel like just making a blanket apology for the entire married refusing to have sex female population.
