Just found out she already filed

[antlers]

Right now I'm struggling with the D paperwork I have to provide. Did you guys really provide month-by-month statements of various banks accounts for the last 3-5 years? I'm thinking of saying 'if they need any particular month/bank I'll provide them on as-per-needed basis' - don't think it'll work?

It's a full time job collecting 12 statements for 5 years times 6 or 7 accounts. Not sure how to get out of it.

You've got to provide them with the information they asked for. Yeah, it's a lot of work, and expense, but you have to provide it. It's your responsibility if they asked for it. I had to provide them with everything but a semen sample! It was so invasive to have to provide all that crap to her lawyer. The judge will frown on you if you don't give them the info. they requested.

[Gardener]

wii,

...but they've shut down the feeling part...at least around you! Just like us, one day they'll have to deal with the pain... If they don't, then it will come out in other ways later on...don't just suppose that because she's the ice lady around you that she isn't bawling her eyes out when she drives around the corner from you.

^^^wisdom^^^

[luvless]

Hey Romeo,

We are on the same page in the D proceedings. I just handed in my paperwork last week. I didn't get too technical. I just gave current statements except bank statements - did 2 years. I gave a total number of value of all assets as if I sold them on craigslist - worth so much less but true.

I've said this before we should talk and help each other out especially because we are on different sides (u the H and me the W)

Take care and I'm thinking of you!

Luv

[ImprovedRomeo]

@kat, actually a few of the neighbors got together to celebrate the 4th outside, hotdogs, hamburgers etc. So I joined in, brought some potato salad, ice etc. Hung out with them fo a bit. Then later in the evening we set off some fireworks. Missed my DD so much, she would've loved it being her first year where she could really see, touch and feel the stuff. Sure the professional ones are great but this is the age where she would enjoy and remember these things forever. I know I did...nevermind when I found a half used firecracker and stuck a matches in it which blew up in a instant with all the gun powder on my hand and face...I was lucky to not lose more than a few eyebrow hair lol - see the childhood memories. I should've bought a package for her so we could set some off tomorrow...I will make sure I do next year.

@antlers, @wii- yeah I think she has detached but she detached a long time ago, probably before she even moved out. Someone (OldFool?) said that it's like people that commit suicide, they're at peace right before they do it. She's made up her mind she's just doing what she needs to do. It's really unfortunate because I would've moved mountains if she asked me to...I know I made mistakes but this is the ultimate price to pay in a M/R. I really doubt she bawls her eyes out wii...she's really good at compartmentalizing and if she ever does feel sad she'll deal with it by jumping in bed with someone...and she's pretty so I'm sure she probably has guys hitting on her etc anyway. That's her way of dealing with her emotions. Very much like guys do...well not this guy and sometimes I wonder why I have to be this way and not like the other guys.

@CTH, you're right but they can't hide forever...some day they'll have to face their deamons and that's when they'll realize what they've done. That's when they'll see what you meant to her. Unfortunately it could be years.

@NM, thanks for stopping by and sharing the insight from the book. You know, books are great and we can learn a lot from them. But anyone can write a book so I do take what people say with a grain of salt. If they're drawing on their own experience that's actually good (as opposed to making stuff up that makes sense) but it may work differently for different situations. In my case I will force myself to celebrate DD's 6th b.day together as a family but next year and on I most likely won't.

That's a great point about their friendly and cavalier attitude- it IS insulting now that I think about it. I knew I was feeling some angst but couldn't quite put my finger on it. Thanks for saying that because I think that's exactly what it was...I felt like she can stand there and talk about stupid stuff that matters not but won't say a word about the elephant in the room. As if nothing happened.

I'll share some stuff from the book later...I thumbed through it yesterday.

@wii- ruminating...I wouldn't exactly say that it's a joy but my mind is addicted to it. I think you hit the nail with your 3rd point. I do it over and over again, one to take the edge off and feel a bit desensitized and two to think of my plans/options A, B and C. Whatever they might be.

@Romeo- oh wait...no

@antlers- thanks, I was afraid of that. grr, ugh @$#!@#$A

@Gardener- thanks for pointing it out G, yes I agree with wii...as I said before she's not falling apart. She surrounds herself with other divorced, single people. She's always been about surviving. She's done this in her past relationships too. She picks up and leaves...she's a serial leaver and when she does she finds another soon if not already have one before leaving.

@luvless, thanks for stopping by. There are two things from what I know: one is just a assets/debits statement and the other is the interrogatory/discovery crap where they send you forms that ask for like 50 line items and each line item is stuff like: submit tax returns from 2005-now and include original W2s, investment and other documents such as 1099-INT. Yes, that's just one line. It's a friggn' pain in the @ss...grr @#$@Q#%

I'm staying as far away from this crap as possible only doing what (and when) the Ls ask me to do something but you have my email address T. Just shoot me an email whenever you want to discuss anything I'd be happy to tell you anything I've gone through in the process.

[ImprovedRomeo]

So I had a few tough moments today. I realized that I still miss her company, I miss her companionship, I feel lonely without her in my life. Then I started feeling upset about why she would do this when I would give her anything she could ask for. I got angry that DD has to suffer the most, maybe it's DD that I missed so much today not STBXW.

I think the trigger was me emptying the dressers etc that she wants. Just thinking back about when we got those things. Why couldn't things be that way again? I also found an old tank-top of hers and it was the last straw to force a few tears out of me. I remember when she used to wear it...those old summer days- I hadn't seen it for a while. For an instant I wanted to keep it but I know better- that'll just be torture.

On a better note I had to get out so I called my buddy up and he was up for biking. We did a 13 mile mountain/road biking hybrid run. I hadn't done it for a while so I was struggling a bit on the uphill sections but it helped to take my anger out at the pedals and my legs. The scenery was pretty nice too. Oh I've noticed whenever I'm carrying my bike in the back of my truck I get a lot of looks. My buddy joked saying I should get a dog to complete the package 'a truck, a dirty mountain bike, a dog'. He thinks with that I'll have girls talking to me left and right. Ummm...no- as much as I'd love to have a dog I'm maxed out on who/what I can take care of single handidly. A turtle maybe that I could take on a leash like wii

Hope you all had a great 4th! it's back to work tomorrow ugh I know...I so want to take a month off and do nothing.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Here's her email from a few days ago about the other stuff:


Hi,

I forgot there are a couple other things from the kitchen:

set of farberware pots/pans (had in 2000)
1 ceramic non-stick pan
some glass bowls with colored lids
other glass and stoneware mixing bowls (had in 2000)
some of my glass and corningware cookware and pans
vases from the upper cabinet
my ipod and cable too, forgot about it.

I didn't look at the lower cabinets so maybe I can come back and do that? Or if you want you could just go through them and pick out stuff you don't want/need/use? Also I can use the silverware from the camper if there is enough for a full set otherwise, I'll just look around for something else.

I saw that kids flip-flops are at old navy for $5. Hope that helps.

-STBXW


Here's what i was going to write back:

"Sure, you can have those things. The only thing I'd like to keep is your old ipod. I'd asked you before and you were ok with it since I already moved all your songs off of it and onto your new iphone. I've also emptied out the dresser, the surround sound system is unhooked and a few other things that are ready to go. If it helps I can drop them off before you get the movers for the big stuff."

[newmama]

Do you really want to help drop off the speakers? Wow you are nice.

Mountain bike+ truck= who needs a dog?

[ImprovedRomeo]

Well if her house is all empty I figure I could get some of the stuff ready to be moved. I don't have to help her nor do I particularly want to but again as a common courtesy...since she's a girl.

Do you guys not think that's a good idea?

[g450]

I think most will tell you to let her deal with the consequences of her bad choices. Let her own it and let her move herself.

With that said, I helped my XW move out out of the same courtesy. I did have an alternate motive though as I wanted to make sure she did not take anything that was not agreed upon ahead of time.

I think it's a personal choice but I would let her own it. Unless you don't trust her. I did not trust mine at the time and still don't.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Thanks g450.

Here's what I'm thinking of sending to her, you guys see any issues?


Sure, you can have those things. The only thing I'd like to keep is your old ipod. I'd asked you before and you were ok with it since I already moved all your songs off of it and onto your new iphone.

I've also emptied out the dressers, the surround sound system is unhooked and a few other things that are ready to go. Furniture wise, I'll keep the big bookcase you can take all the rest of what you asked for including the coffee table, the red couch, the patio chairs, your childhood rocking chair, the outside big chair, the sewing table and the two dressers. Let me know when you can pick those up and I'll see if that works for me.

I would also prefer that whatever it is you want you come and get it once and not email me every other day asking for something new.

Thanks