Need a Plan for My Marriage

[idontunderstand]

Today is better than yesterday, and I hope tomorrow with be better than today.

It will be. You know it from past experience.

Keep doing the right thing. You will never be sorry for it.

[LSG]

IDU,

I have been doing good and taking it easy.

I needed a break from everything.

It is funny how she wanted to spend all this time with the kids, but she only spent a day in a half during the past 7 days with the kids. I have been taking them places and spending a lot of time with them. She is with a friend? having lunch, or so she says.

I am doing good, and I will do my best to stay that way. It is not easy, but I have to do it.

[idontunderstand]

Glad to hear you are doing well.

I hope you have a good 4th of July weekend.

Don't give up hope, but don't B.S. yourself, either. Do what you know is right.

Hang in there.

[LSG]

Journaling July 2, 2010:

Today I woke up same as every Friday, and I did the laundry, woke up the kids, made their beds, showered, and did some cleaning around home. The kids did make breakfast and requesting W and I stay in bed late today. We did. It was very nice. The kids try so hard, so I am so sad for them.

I took kids to the regular park with a pond and to the Doggie park. We spent all day gone.

W said she was going to lunce with her friend. I think she did, but she may have seen OM too.

She has been nicer and asking me if I want anything more often, but I know she is still TM the OM.

My D is having a sleepover at a friends tonight.

S is sleeping in our bed tonight which I am trying to stop, but he is having a hard time with everything. He sees the way W and I interact, so he says our family is messed up. It breaks my heart for him. He is a sweet boy. Both my kids are sweet and hurting, so I let him when D is gone.

[LSG]

Did get my first laugh out of W in along time. I was watching a Disney program with S, and he fell asleep laying next to me. I was kissing him on the head and getting ready to take him to bed. W came up and scared the hell out of me. I said that to her, and she laughed and said "sorry." Is he asleep, and I said "yes." I was about ready to put him to bed.

It was a little like old times for a moment. Surprised me.

[LSG]

Had an argument with wife the other night:

When we were at counseling, and the counselor was validating her in every way. There was so much bias in the sessions. When W told me at counseling that I am in love with you but I am not in love with you I walked out because I was devastated by this. She says that since I walked that was the reason that she had the affair. She did not intend to divorce me. She also said she will not get married again or to the OM. She said it just happened. I told her it just does not happen, and that she let it happen.

She said I will never get the kids because of my earning potential, and she did not agree to me taking care of the kids. I told her that it does not matter whether we agreed or not. She said I will not even make it to court. I told her we have a hearing, and it will go to court. She said if it keeps up that it will not. She said that she could have kicked me to the curb 3 years ago. I told it would be no different than it is now.

She validates her affair in everyway possible. I did not budge and validate the garbage she was saying.

She said that she made a "choice." I told her that she made a choice for her, not me and the kids. I told her I have "choice", and I will not stay married in a relationship with infidelity.

She said I should have let her continue to TM OM, and that she was doing nothing wrong. I told her it was an affair, and it was wrong.

I told her she has already damaged our kids. I told her that my son prays for our family all the time. I told her that he says our family is "messed up". She said that she wants a house and a dog for the kids. She cannot wait any longer, and that is what the kids want. I told what the kids want is their family to stay together, and none of the other matters to them, and it won't when they are older either.

We had a decent fourth of July with no arguing or fighting, but D does not respect W and fights with her all the time. This is because of the A I believe, and it is only getting worse. S want moms attention, and he is hurt, but she just justifies her actions.

It is a load of BS.

[luvless]

I don't know what to say about these WAS's...seriously I don't know how they are able to think the way they do. I just want you to know I understand and you are in my thoughts.

Luv

[sandi2]

I don't know how they are able to think the way they do.

B/c they are not in their right frame of mind. They really are not "themselves".

[LSG]

Hi luv,

I appreciate your understanding about my sitch. I just don't understand the WAS either. My kid are hurting so bad from this, and she says she will make it okay for them. She is assuming that she gains custody of our kids. That is really not what they need with all the pain and suffering that she has caused the family. I believe I am the best person to help them with the pain that they are experiencing.

[LSG]

I can't believe the hurt and pain that my kids are feeling everyday. S is misbehaving and D argues with W. It is so tragic for them. S asked if I was going to be homeless and where would he find me. He is really worried about everything. I told him everything will be okay, but I truly am not sure that it will be at least for me. W seems so certain that I will lose, and she has told me that I will be homeless. She could possibly win. She has said in front of the kids that I would be homeless and with nothing if she has anything to do with it.

Right now she has all the money, her parents vast fortune, and she could out spend me 100:1 if she thinks she is losing. This is a trying for me to keep strong and positive for my kids. It is my kids that keeps me fighting against the odds that are against me.

I am so worried more by the day about my two wonderful children that I have.

I put on my resume that I work for my parents, and an approximate amount I would earn on there too. My parents only give a little money to me from time to time. W brought up if this is being taxed and do I report this to the IRS. She is going to go after my parents apparently too. She only lived there with me and our D for a year, and my parents paid everything. That is gratitude for you. What a real piece of work my STBXW is. I am disgusted by her.

I am very tired lately, and the headaches are here everyday.

I will continue to fight to find the strength to go on.