So LFA avoided vacation time to avoid dealing with the empty time/space/anxiety.
I went back to work today (took most of June off, worked a lot from home). Was in the theatre where I mostly work in the summer. My dear theatre, I love every inch of it.
And I couldn't stop crying. (well, I could, it just came in waves) Here, in the attic, this time last year, I was thinking that X and I would go do such and such. Here, in the shop, I was blithely ignoring how late I was working, and X was f**ng OW. This time last year I was down in the costume shop, called X to say hello, and meanwhile he was...etc., etc.
For the first time I wanted to flee work. Home felt safer. I knew that getting through this summer would be hard. 3 weeks approaching Bomb-A-versary. Hopefully soon it will be busy with everyone wanting scenery and props and all sorts of stuff. Right now it's too quiet.
It's so sad to have the space I love be haunted. Well, it should pass. I worked in this theatre in the fall and spring, and I wasn't bothered. Well, of course I was numb for most of the year.
Maybe after this summer, and another year, the theatre will go back to being my old friend.
This weekend with Dad was good, but exhausting. We painted the bathroom (3 days of prep!) The sad thought that kept coming was that Dad was here doing this...because I had been left. X and I were going to re-do the bathroom and kitchen. Etc., etc.
Heard from XMIL (we are keeping in contact, what should I call her?) that OW, pardon me, fiance, isn't working because she has some $ from her job and "divorce that just got finalized." Interesting, no? On the rebound, snags a guy who was fully committed to his R; re-engaged in a year.
I guess that's their problem, though, right?
OK--wish me a better day at work tomorrow. Maybe a smudge ceremony in the theatre as well as my house is in order.
