I think you need to give the FT a few weeks to do her job... its been ONE SESSION... I would not stir the pot when you have a professional trying to make changes...
Let me put it this way.. If you make a stink about the cell phone right NOW he might just drop out of FT...
Is that worth it?
I would say a resounding no...
A better question is how long are you going to give the FT to do her job before you decide to "make a move" and stir up trouble that may make a mess of whatever hte FT is doing...
You see right now you want to fix things... and you want to DO something.. but you HAVE a professional working to fix things right now.. if you jump in there and start tinkering you may just make a big mess...
How LONG do you give her before you expect to see some results is a better questiont o ask than "should I make a move right NOW"
You're right - I need to give the professional time to do her job. Thanks for talking me down! :-)
It would be easier to have patience if I knew H was committed to FT. He hasn't said one word about it other than asking if I noticed MY counselor went to so-and-so university. (Not OUR - by MY) It may throw a monkey wrench in things with him going out of town this week. Of course, if he is really dedicated he will still figure out a time to go but I'm not sure he is. I guess only time will tell.
I'm not sure how long to give it before there are any real changes - before I feel the need to make a move. I will think on that. Any suggestions? I don't want to give him even a longer time to get more connected to the OW, assuming there is one of some sort!
I think you should ask your FT when to look for a change.. not me... its HER process and SHE"s talking to him... She may not be able to give youa definite yet...
Look at your marriage like an automobile. It's not functioning correctly... You take it to the mechanic
a. You should leave the car alone and not tinker with the car while the mechanic is trying to fix it.. Or you may mess up what they are doing... b. You have to give the mechanic enough time to make an accurate diagnosis of the problem, reccomend treatment, AND to implement the treatment
I think you need to give it more than one session... You should ask your "mechanic" how much more time do they think they will need... It's a fair question, but don't be surprised if your "mechanic" hasn't made a complete diagnosis yet after only one session with him
But in all seriousness its only been a week... I am more or less offering the same advice/warning as I did with SeeingRed and Larry's program : Don't mess with a professional's efforts or you will negate your warranty
Until the professional is done, you really have to follow their instructions and NOT act in a way to circumvent their efforts or act on advice from message boards unless that advice is to listen to your FT lol
Just add this to your question sheet you are putting together... I really wish she had given you more info...sounds like a lot of questions have come up for you in teh last few days she didn't cover before the meeting was over
Yeah - I wish I had asked for more info as well. I think neither of us (FT/myself) really knew what to expect H to cover when he went in... whether he would make it about him, about us, or about me (and my numerous faults...) I know I'll get more direction this week though. So, that's good. I do think I may move up my appt from Thursday to tomorrow if possible.
I promise to follow the advice to listen to my FT! :-) How's that?!
If you want my advice hold off until AFTER your H's had his second one.. you will get more info that way... DOn't rush ahead of him... work behind him instead so you are more in the loop
this isn't a race... if you want to be in the know take the appt BEHIND his... that way each week you will know as much as teh FT does... Right now with you gonig first you will stress yourself out each week... You will keep wondering what the FT knows that you dont... go AFTER your H so you are in teh loop
OK. Good advice...assuming H does indeed go back! I haven't asked because he's a big boy and able to make his own appts. Well, that and maybe I'm a little afraid of his answer. If he says he's not going back I may hit the roof. Or cry. Not sure which. Depends on the day. lol
Just do whatever homework she assigned you and make sure he sees you doing it... do NOT press him on the subject... You do your homework and he will initiate the convo if he WANTS to talk...
He's going, don't botch it by pressing a talk about it...
