Gucci, I don't get the whole "pretend to be their friend" after divorce....sounds like a revenge game to me....
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
....maybe I am not as ready to let go as I thought....or can get the gest of it, being an enabler/fixer....where do I draw that fine line?
Originally Posted By: gucci loafer
It actually works better the other way around. Tell them you don't want to be married to them and that it would be better that you are friends because you are not IN love with them anymore. It shows more of the "letting go" to do it that way. Like it is now no longer a big deal what he is doing. Water off your back. You tell him you are ok with being friends, and your actions show you are going to be as bad of a friend as he is.
This is what I have been doing...kinda....I think I need to work on the 'bad friend' part!
I guess I'm a little confused. Wouldn't this be form of 'cake-eating' in H's warped mind? Having OW and me??
M55 H55 my D31 H D30 1st met her when she was 25 M 22yrs...2nd for me, 1st for H OW 2005 mother of H daughter, came back to introduce D 1bomb 6/05 2bomb 7/08 3bomb 2/10 moved up north
guess I'm a little confused. Wouldn't this be form of 'cake-eating' in H's warped mind? Having OW and me??
Not if you are really letting go.
You are saying, "Sure, let's be friends. Why not.", but you are getting on with your life and aren't being a good friend at all. More like one of those friends you almost never hear from because they are way too tied up in their own lives ... which are far more interesting than your life
The friendship offer is only as sincere as the intent behind it. Sure, you bear no grudges, why should you? You are moving on. Maybe one year we'll talk when I need something. That's what kind of friends you are.
You have to really mean this though.
Nobody says you have to be nasty. You can be nice and move on. In fact, why would you be nasty?
You have reached a point in your personal growth where your path is diverging. Since you two are not going to grow together, you have to let them grow on their own, and you get to grow on your own.
Nobody knows what the future brings, but now you are letting go. "C'ya round".
Last edited by TimeHeals; 07/05/1004:10 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I will admit to laughing my butt off watching "Real Housewives of NJ."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
