I guess I am feeling impatient. I'm already tired of living like this and don't want it to go on any longer than it has to. I feel at a crossroads. I gave the "letting go" speech in my email weeks ago and have proceeded to act in that manner the best I can while H is here. Yet, at the same time, I feel this pull to unearth these secrets he is keeping, which is not letting go. Because I am uncertain of what to do/when to do it, I do nothing of consequence different in the R. I continue with being pleasant, but aloof. I keep wondering - is this showing that I've let go or is this letting him cake-eat??? Do I wait and let FT deal with all this and let it continue on or do I make a move - like pressing for the cellphone? If I do that, is that not *not* letting go?
I want to be strong and tough yet I'm not sure how best to show that.
Last night H, the boys, and I did some fireworks out in the street... watched a movie....had some food. We went to bed and H was being affectionate. Gave me a back rub and then boys interrupted. I guess it is good they did because I'm certain it was leading to sex and I don't know that I could've turned it down. However, after the interruption, H did an about face and went totally cold - rolling over onto his side, clinging to the mattress again. I did the same! This morning when we both woke up there was a lot of silence and I kept thinking he wanted to talk about things but he never did. I wanted to, but didn't, because I'm determined not to discuss R if he does not.
