Hi G, I'm back. Chances are his partner was just someone in the class?
About the sleeping, I am also really glad it's just me and bub! We co-sleep, cos it's just heaps easier, and although she moves a lot and makes heaps of strange noises, I love snuggling.
Week 5 has been the week of smiles and huge grins, almost laughter! She's really cummunicating. Will be interested to see when your gal starts that, G.
NM, ten hours sleep? Nice!!!!
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
I want to see a movie at 11, so this needs to be short.
We talked. I said that I want his influence in our baby's life, with his cooking and other things. And I said that I want his influence in my life, too. But not if we're not going to try to make this work. (I cried before I started talking, bTW, to set the mood for ya.) I said that I knew we had a lot of issues but we could make it work. (I know this is not DBing, but I felt that he needed to hear it.)
And I said if he didn't want to do that, then we could no longer 'hang out' like we have been. He started crying.
He said that we should work out a schedule. So it will be M, W, F evenings and when he comes over I'll leave.
He said can he come over earlier and cook for us? He said, didn't I like that? I said Yes I liked that. I do want that. But not if we're not going to be together. If we're not, we should start acting now like we will for the rest of our lives.
He continued crying and said that we should start the schedule and we'll talk later.
So that's where it's at.
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
Gatsby, you weren't breaking DB rules! Just because you told him you were willing to make it work? ANd I am proud of you for knowing your boundaries and telling him from the get go that you can't 'hang out' if he doesn't want to work it out.
Just follow through on your MWF evening visit plan and see what happens.
(((hugs)))
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Again, I don't understand why he doesn't want to be with his best friend whom he loves (his words) and who is his baby momma. (And, incidentally, someone he thinks is the best mother he could have picked. His words again.)
He loves hanging out with me, wants to cook for us, watch TV, laugh, etc.
But he doesn't want to commit. He wants to be able to flake out time and again if something 'more interesting' comes up.
It still doesn't make sense to me.
Does he think he will get someone better? I don't even think he thinks that. I don't think he's thinking of relationships at all right now.
Does he think he will be happy in 5 years to keep hanging out with youngins trying to recover youth and be crazy? I don't think he's thinking about the future like that. In 5 years, many of his present friends will probably be married with kids! or wanting to be!
Last edited by gatsby11; 07/05/1004:09 PM. Reason: Hi!
If his loving actions toward me now (looking at me, asking me questions, getting me things, compliments constantly, etc) are how he acts when he DOESN'T want to be with me, then how am I supposed to feel confident if we ever got back together?
The way he's been is the way he was with me at times in the marriage. And when he would do those things, I would know he loved me and I felt secure.
But now it's just evidence that he 'loves me' but not evidence that he is committed.
I don't see how I could feel secure if we ever reconciled. (Sigh), we can see.
All i know is that I deserve a committed relationship with a good man. That's all I know. And I will have it, WH or not.
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
It is very confusing, Gatsby! I can't help but wonder if your WH is just afraid that having a family means his "life" is over.
He wants to go live and work in Ethiopia, he wants his space, he is crazy about you still.....ahhhhh!!
In fact, this drove me nuts when my stbxh was acting all weird before I knew he was with OW. WHen I found that out, it was like "Ah HA! THAT explains it!" But I can't say that I think your WH is with an OW! Honestly....not enough red flags...
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
There could be an OP, I suppose. But I tend to think not.
I thin he is just not thinking. Just thinking he wants to be free to drink and go out and do whatever and have a family when he feels like that.
It's really hard because he wants to spend time with me and I want to spend time with him. But it's much easier for me to say no to our time instead of waiting for him to say no. And he will through things like not texting or showing up late or randomly cancelling, etc. So there we go.
Are you going to an IC? I mean in all your spare time? (lol!)
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
IC: Yeah, but I haven't set up another appt since the birth. It's been too busy. I could set it up now though that the family reunion is over.
Thing is my IC doesn't really approve of me being back with WH! She says if we do get together, he would need to think of me more often.
It has been difficult with his family reunion being over. I LOVE his family. And they love me. When we parted last night at the farewell dinner, WH's grandparents were inviting me to their homes to visit in the future. Which is nice, but it sucks that it's just me and the baby. And then they were also making plans for Christmas. Which I won't be at fully. So it pisses me off.
WH yesterday in our talk said that he didn't want to take me away from his family. But I said that it's already done.
He doesn't want to be realistic about what this divorce means. He thinks everything can stay the same except he can be more free.
So it was a sad drive home last night without WH. It was really weird because even though we'd had that convo in the morning, the feeling at the reunion that evening was so familiar. So I felt that naturally he and I should be driving home together. But no.
The frustrating thing is that he's probably mourning for 'us' just as I am right now. But he still insists that we "can't" be together.
Grrr!
I'm starting to detach again, though. His frame of mind is ridiculous, childish, and immature. And I don't want that.
He doesn't want to be realistic about what this divorce means. He thinks everything can stay the same except he can be more free.
pretty common it seems from what I read on the DB forum....he will be in for a harsh reality!
Quote:
I'm starting to detach again, though. His frame of mind is ridiculous, childish, and immature. And I don't want that.
yes my IC really helped me to see what vets keep saying--we shouldn't want them back as they are NOW...so it is best to focus on that and go about living our lives. Why would I try to pull my mentally ill stbxh back into my life? I want the healthy version back...so I share this with you because you are so smart (as always) and I hope it helps you!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
