The hardest part for me is that she's always thought of me as unaffectionate, and withdrawn. So my natural urge now is to be attentive and affectionate, despite the fact that this is going to make her feel pressured and pursued. But if I don't give her attention, she'll think that it's more of the same...
If she has the mindset of a WAW then she would not be receptive to your affection or attention. When the MR is healthy, then she responds. If she has withdrawn due to having her eye on other men (or man), then she will consider your affection/attention as smothering and will not want it.
There are many red flags that she is a WAW.....and that she could be a WAW in an A. The flirting is her wanting other men to affirm that she is still youthful and beautiful and she can still be sexually attractive to men who are not her H. In the past, it may have been enough for her H to assure her of those things, but presently....she has a need to know she is desirable to other men. It's kind of like a woman thinks her H is "expected" to feel that way about her, but if some other man thinks she's really sexy....then in truth..she must be.
You need to trust the DB techniques. What would have worked previously will not work right now b/c her mental/emotional state of mind has changed. Therefore, you must do what seems completely opposite. When your desire says to close in on her....in reality you need to pull back. A lot of your feelings is a result of waking up and realizing you are losing her.
You seem to speak almost casually about W being in an A, but I grant you that it will hurt a lot more if you discover she really is. You do need to gather intell and do not show your hand to her. You keep that private b/c if she's having an EA, she mess up and let her guard down somewhere....and you'll find it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
