Heartbroken and needing help!

[cat04]

I know I have to have faith that at some point down the line I will have an answer.

Thanks for being so great! (and patient:) - I'm usually not this slow of a learner!)

Irish,

Don't be surprised if someday you find that your answer is simply "it happened and it is what it is." That is acceptance of something that just is difficult to make sense of.

I, like Brooklyn, am 3 years post bomb and I still have nothing concrete from my H as to what happened. I have my theories, based on his life, I have heard comments from him that seem to show what is going on in his head during "saner" moments. But all I can do is put those things together and understand that he is simply a mess inside.

Like the others, I too have ideas about why H hasn't filed yet, but those are simply ideas.

As far as slow learner, it takes a long time to reconcile the head and the heart. For me, it was a battle. And many days, I didn't know which one was winning. LOL.

What I did know was that I didn't want to take the anger, frustration, and sadness that I had and carry it into MY future. There is nothing that makes me crazier than people who use their past to allow it to hold them back in the present and future (that is something I have always had problems with) and I knew I didn't want to become one of those people. I was on the road to letting that happen. I think we all are at the beginning of this.

So I made the choice to find a way, some way, to not become that way. My search, was frustrating, painful, and there were days when I wanted to say F-it, I will just be bitter.

I am so glad that I didn't listen to myself those days. I don't know where I would be now if I had, but I know I wouldn't be here, happy, whole, (ok almost whole), and willing to take those hard looks when they are still necessary. I am glad that I made that choice. You will be too. I promise.

Brooklyn, Grace, Twink, Hey ladies it is nice to see you!

Amazing ladies, Irish, especially Brooklyn. Listen to them.