Pretty sure its a MLC, now what?

[MHL]

Lisa,
When I gave the ring back and gave the speech I did it front of her counselor and mine and I did not realize that my wife was MLC. I had a DB coach back then and while the advice was good it was not geared towards MLC. With in days of my speech my W was being friendly towards me again and I knew I had blown it b/c I was friendly right back to her. A couple of weeks after that we were having a conversation and I told her I changed my mind.

I think it was J3B who said " You did not talk your way into this mess and you are not going to talk your way out of it"

Your actions will speak louder than your words. Your actions need to be consistent.....always. Additionally, do not expect to do something and he take notice and change what he is doing. It does not work that way, it takes time, lots of TIME, weeks and months. This is the PATIENCE part.

You are still on "withdraw" from your H. I had the same thing happen to me yesterday. I spent all day with my wife on Saturday and by mid-day Sunday, I started coming off of that "high". This is where detatchment comes into play.

When you gave back your ring and said you were done, you were acting like a child that wanted to be held by their mom right then and there and when you couldn't have that you threw a fit. I am not giving you a 2X4 here you already realize this but you are worried about the affects of the fit and if you don't watch it your going to throw another fit.

You want to go to your H and tell him you made a mistake and you want to explain everything and have him understand and go "okay" lets go back to where we were a couple of days ago before you said you were done.

Not gonna happen.....that bell is rung. Stop worring about it, its done.

When I think back on when I said I was done, I think that is when I realized that this was going to take a lot longer than I thought it was. I kept setting dates in my mind that I thought my W would return by. I stopped doing that shortly after that speech. I did not get a grasp on the TIME thing until 6 months into my separation and 8 months post bomb. That is why you have to focus on you right now and not your H or your M.

This is where GALing and focusing on what is right for Lisa comes into play. Right now you are wrestling with whether or not you should move back home and how that will affect you H or your M. Make that decision based on what Lisa wants as an indiviual. You said you like your home, your friends, your church etc. sounds like some good reasoning to me. Don't worry what others will think, do it for you.

Meck county, is that your home or is that your parents home? I grew up there, one of the few. Seems like everyone is from somewhere else.

God Bless