I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[newmama]

Ok got the Sandcastles book. Thorough, but depressing. I mean they are just stating the facts...

I guess I feel good about the fact that I am doing 90% of what they recommend for co-parenting. The things I need to work on are allowing the lingering--YES, when stbxh lingers before and after an exchange of S, it helps S to transition between us.

The other thing is that the author suggests that for a child's birthday, if the child wishes it, then we should do our best to be together for some or all of it, but leave the boyfriends/girlfriends at home.

"More prevalent than drug abuse, teenage pregnancy, or the death of a parent, divorce is the most common problem facing kids today.Only 40% of those born in mid 1980's can expect to grow up in a home with both biological parents present, a trend the U.S. Census Bureau predicts will continue into the next century."

"Compared to children from maritally intact homes, children of divorce have higher rates of depression, sexual acting out, substance abuse, conduct disorders, problems with school, and delinquent behavior.Statistically, they are more likely to marry earlier and divorce than children from "intact" families."

but, like we have heard, they said that children who grow up in high conflict but intact families grow up with more problems than those from low conflict,divorced families.

So, to avoid being too bitter, I will think of how I can help S avoid all of those depressing problems....an intervention, if you will, would be to have a pleasant co-parenting relationship.

"We are not shaped so much by our actual experiences as how we are taught to respond to them."



(all of these quotes are from the Sandcastles book)