Is this piecing?

[rockedworld]

Good for you (((Hope)))! That is good news! Every step forward to letting go and focusing on yourself is a success to be celebrated!

[flowmom]

Hope, you're making awesome progress . And I'm so glad that your H is going home at night...the time you were spending together was toxic and I am 100% in favour of reducing that as much as possible. I am glad that you are starting to see the connection between detachment from your H, and taking care of yourself. I agree with RW, celebrate this success .

[Freckle6]

Yay! Even when interactions aren't as toxic as you and your H, having your home be *your* safe and calm and drama free space is priceless. As you now can see as your panicky feeling walked out the door with him.

[LauraOh]

Hey Hope, I am praying you are doing well.

I just got my S back yesterday--they kept him from me for 11 days! I kept very busy (my fireplace and then I had some pocket doors removed) but I am GOING to get my S for my OWN vacation!! My motto these days? I am NO LONGER your DOORMATT!!

Getting tough with these guys is the answer--I know it. I pray you stay strong. My H held my hand yesterday for a few seconds. He doesn't know where my strength is coming from. I don't know sometimes myself, except I give credit to God. It is a snowball effect--my small efforts at strength are going well.

You will see positives--slowly but surely. Keep strong--do ONLY the things that make you feel stronger. Strength is the key.

[Butterfly1]

I am no longer your doormat is my motto too. H stopped staying overnight here this week. He puts S to bed and leaves. Months ago I would have felt devastated, but now I'm relishing the space, and the increased time away from his anger.

I am finally beginning to see how much I have depricated myself - blamed myself, felt bad about myself, begged for crumbs. No wonder H treats me like a garbage dump. I don't need a person who tries to make me feel so horrible - and succeeds!

PLease take your S somewhere by yourself. I did that a few weeks ago and it felt amazing. To get away from the abusive relationship and have freedom to relax with S was priceless. (Well, financially expensive lol, but emotionally and spiritually priceless!)

My H cannot have me back, even if he decides he wants to until he stops screaming, blaming, swearing, insulting, jabbing. I'm through trying to communicate and explain how much this hurts me with the hope that he will stop. He will not stop, and that is his problem, not mine anymore. His loss. If he ever turns around, which is unlikely, he needs to see and own his own part in this or I"m fighting in D court. Finally. Getting some power.

[Butterfly1]

Help kick my butt people - I"m staying as dark as possible with child switch off, etc. However, it bugs me to no end that H is satisfied with even less contact than I am. DOesn't say hello or good bye, just drops off S without even walking him in. My temptation is to ask for at least a hello or goodbye, common decency for anyone, but feel this is pursuing and not being dark. Help!

[flowmom]

Hope, I'm so glad that you're experiencing a bit of peace.

Regarding the childcare handoffs, I think you need to be clear on your motivations. I have been bugged by similar things with my STBXH, and have insisted on basic courtesy because I feel that it's important for our children to witness basic polite interactions between us. In your case, though, you need to do a cost-benefit analysis. If asking for that is going to create more conflict, then it's not worth it IMO, either for you or your S. Hopefully things will normalize eventually.

(((hugs)))

[Butterfly1]

Yes, children seeing basic polite interactions - what a concept (for H)! EXACTLY MY POINT.

For now, I'm continuing to try to stay dark - not answering phone, replying to texts very briefly if at all and waiting a while to do so, avoiding his presence over all. I am sort of in a PTSD state with all the yelling and insults over the past year. I am starting to feel my grief come up, in place of constant fear and anxiety. This is better for me.

[flowmom]

(((Hope))) the grief is good...let it wash you clean and bring you towards acceptance. You deserve peace...and it's more important than having H in your life.

[Butterfly1]

If it's so good why do I feel like crap?;P
Cant imagine what is more important than being with your 5 yr. old son on the fourth of July. Feeling anger all day that H thinks something is. Simply avoided the holiday altogether, never said a word. The depth of my sadness is impossible to describe.